On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

a trip to the hospital ed.

Yup I got drunk and fell through a window (due to some stupid bastard).

My arms are a wreck, I'm sore and grumpy and I have the hangover from hell. I even drank coffee (I rarely drink coffee). There's a hole the size of a five cent piece in my left thumb, a massive hole in my right arm along with cuts and scratches and bruising. I've also got a 1/2 cm gash in my right wrist thats taped up with plastic stitches and I had to have a tetnus shot.

My new jeans are covered in blood and fucking egg whites (it was a dessert window related incident) and Andrew is threatning to kill one of our so called friends who started the whole fight.

I got some awesome xmas presents this morning including Darth Vader Potato Head. I love the pandyr. Merry Xmas everyone :) ps no more margaritas and aftershock shots ever.

Stupid Hats

On Friday our work are having a hat day. We're all to wear hats all day, and only take them off when leaving the building. We have three secret judges, and prizes for creativity and so forth.

Our team (there are four of us) were struggling with what to wear - I was going to just use my halo headband, but then I remembered on mum's last trip down, she had brought my family these silly animal hats.

I called my aunt and she had them, so she couriered them to me at work.

We snuck into the boardroom and I opened the box. The girls were in hysterics - we will be wearing the following : Octopus (bright pink and yellow with the legs hanging around the face; Parrot (yellow, red and blue, with wings); Chicken (white and yellow); and Cow (black and white).

I am the cow.

We've decided to go hard out and convert our desks into the theme of the hat. We're going to past signs on our chairs about us being an Animal Park, put up fences between the desks so we have our own pens, and I've borrowed appropriate office clutter to use on our themes - the parrot will be encased in a jungle setting - so far I scored her a stuffed giraffe and monkey to hang on her desk somehow. The chicken will have some eggs - I will have some milk cartons, rubber gloves, and whatever else I can find.

We have made trees our of newspapers.

I think we might win :)

Bloody Reality

Every time I get involved in reality tv I get so far into the season and then I have to log on to Television Without Pity and find out who won. I don't know if its because I want the knowledge before my addicted co-workers, or if I am just incapable of leaving the surprise for myself.

I think only one series of Survivor was played here the same time as in the States (when I say same time, I mean same week), so it wasn't so bad - but Guatemala is just so full on, and I hate at least two of the tribespeople - one of whom is still in the final four of the reading of the page I am on now - and it's doing my head in. I should stop reading. Nah fuckit.

Ooooh I can't wait to see this puppy on tv. We just had the episode where Margaret got voted off, and Rafe gave his immunity to Gary - wtf was that about, when it was obvious in council they were either going to gun for Amy or Brian. Dumbass.

I'm also addicted to America's Next Top Supermodel (will they come to New Zealand fashion week?), Project Runway, and of course, The Amazing Race. Although TAR and Survivor are shown same time but different networks here, so I've gone Survivor this time.

Oh and don't get me started on Extreme Home Makeover - the Crying edition :)

Surveys

I always do surveys. In fact I am probably a telemarketers dream. Actually I know I am. Saturday I did a survey on entertainment, today I'm doing one on bread.

Bread is pretty fucking boring - and the survey is taking forever.

I hope I win a prize :)

Harry Potter

Last night I saw the latest Harry Potter movie, and I have to say I was a little disapointed. I know they can't recreate every aspect of the books, but there was SO much missing - including house elves - and I wondered for those people who haven't read the books if the movie would make sense.

I cried of course - well just had a few tears - I knew I would, I bawl my eyes out every time I read The Goblet of Fire.

So now I'm trying to figure out how they will find the room of requirement - after all Dobby puts Twinky there when she is too drunk - but they didn't introduce her in the movie - and we missed out on seeing Percy and Charlie - and they really emphasised how alone Harry is, when in the book Mrs Weasley comes to support him in the last phase of the triwizard tournament.

It really sucks to have a vivid imagination - now I'm worried if Narnia can live up to what my mind has created for it, however, it will be amusing to see our countryside - I just hope there's no Shortland Street actors like there was in LOTR.

Sleep Cont...

The only good thing about today was my tail wind ride home.

I sometimes think cars really underestimate how fast a cyclist can move - especially when you've got the wind behind you.

Ahem, by cars I mean people driving cars.

Sleep.

I'm so glad its Friday. I'm exhausted. I've spent the last three days trapped in an office with a woman who treats me like dirt. I'm focused on pretending it doesn't affect me, but by the time I get home I am exhausted from faking that her nasty behaviour isn't bothering me, when really I want to tell her to go fuck herself.

It's so hard to pretend to be upbeat and chirpy - especially when I ask a question and she replies with the bare minimum, won't have a conversation with me, tells me off for asking questions that she thinks I should know the answers to and I could go on...

I watched her do this to another co-worker when I first came on board, I never thought I would be the next victim. She's coming pretty close to an office bully - and it really does affect me, my eating is out of control again, all I want to do after a day in her presence is go home and chill out, not hit the gym like I should.

The searches.

So today I thought I'd check out my little tracker thingy - see how people are ending up here and I have the most bizarre ones.

Lose 28 kilos in 8 weeks!
Yes thats totally possible. Not.

Being thin is more important that being healthy.
Right. I'm not sure what to say to this is except you don't have to be thin to be healthy. My best friend is tiny compared to me, and I am fitter.

Curves are sexy.
Hell yeah! I like this one :)

and my favourite....

Cassandra Goth.
The sims are taking over!

Drive!

I had a couple of job interviews this week. The first one was horrible, and I knew when I walked in that it wasn't the right place for me. In between answering some questions a cellphone starts ringing, and the guy interviewing me says 'Oh I HAVE to take this' and walks out. The other person in the interview carries on, like this extreme rudeness isn't happening. I took time out of my day, to visit a company who don't even have the manners to give me their full attention.

I was not impressed. They are making a decision on Friday, and if they choose me, I think I'll be saying no.

The second one was yesterday and it fucking rocked. I loved everything about the offices, the interviewers were awesome, the job sounds fantastic and perfect for me... however, towards the end when they asked me what I thought - I had to be honest and say 'this is a really awesome job, and the only thing I can see that you guys might have an issue with is that I don't have a driver's license'. Then I told them a story about how I went to get it and the woman behind the counter embarrassed me by yelling out 'YOUR LEARNERS LICENSE??' to the entire staff of the AA. They laughed, and the guy said 'That's easily fixable'.

I decided this morning, that if I get a second interview - I'm going to get my learners before it, so I can show them that I am motivated and I really really want the job.

Fingers crossed for me guys!

Time

I'm not sure how it happened, but suddenly it is December.

I have my Mum's presents organised, but not the Pandyr. Last year I actually fooled him into thinking he was getting dvd's and instead he recieved a very nice leather wallet. This year, I'm stumped.

Boys are so hard to buy for.

Me - I can go pink shoes, chocolate, books and purfume and I am one happy girl.

Phew.

This morning I did a huge ride round Hagley Park. I didn't actually mean to, I was trying to check out some offices and got completly disorientated (what sense of direction?), and ended up back tracking and riding on grass and gravel, for about 30 minutes longer than my usual 15 to get to work.

I'm actually feeling pretty good now. Not sure if thats good enough again to try it tomorrow - I'll see how my legs are when I get up. But I think I'm ready for the gym again :)

Neglect.

Excuse me while I just dust off the furniture and get ready to start over.

I think thats my downfall. That I consistently need to start over. And here I bloody go again. How much time and money have I wasted.... lets not even go there.

Ready, set.....

I'm around.

And also round. Been struggling a lot with Body Revolution, doing it half assed and not really eating properly. I had the hard word put on me by my trainer, so this week have been making a real effort to eat right and excercise.

So far, I'm day four with no chocolate. For someone who would eat chocolate every day this is a pretty big acomplishment. I am allowed one treat per week - and it was going to be a cadbury dairy milk, but now I'm thinking a burger would be such a better treat, I don't need that chocolate just yet.

Thanks for your comments. I'm going to try and make an effort to write more again. I really need to achieve this goal. And when we finally set a date for our wedding I don't want to be the fat chick in the big dress - my two bridesmaids are very slim. I'm going to be the toned, healthy and in the correct weight range.

It hurts to laugh

I did a workout with my trainer yesterday and she made me do these ab excercises that are causing me no end of ow today. I also did some hard out cardio on the treadmill and I'm going back tomorrow.

This weeks goals:

Make my lunch three times.
Already made for tomorrow, have planned dinner for tomorrow night too, and I will take leftovers for Tuesday's lunch. Just one more day to plan :)

Hit the gym four times
I've got an appointment with my trainer tomorrow, so then its three - and really, I enjoy going, so if I go more than that it will all be good.

Positive affirmation
Thats right - I've got to tell myself everyday that I will be fit and healthy.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

Birthday :)

Yes, today (if you are in America) but yesterday if you are in New Zealand, I turned 30.

I think food shouldn't count on your birthday, I ate WAY too much but I'm not going to stress about it.

The really cool thing is that my trainer has given me a free box session, so I'm pretty excited about that. Except now I have the 'So you wanna be a boxer' song from the movie Bugsy Malone stuck in my head.

Oh, and Andrew aka The Pandyr, AndyPandy, Drew, the boy, finally got his act together and asked me to marry him.

It took eight years - but the wait was worth it.

New Trainer. New Focus. Fingers Crossed.

I met my new trainer tonight - she's lovely and she told me she's a bodybuilder who went to the World's last year. Total shock cause she's TINY. But really cool, because she knows what its like to give up the things you love.

I am feeling much more focused and ready to kick ass - which I'm really happy with. She told me a few of her success stories with other clients - shrinking someone from a size 28 to a size 12 in a year, which is great motivation.

And, we are setting weekly goals.

This week: (even though its already Tuesday)

Make my lunch twice during the week.
I am a complete shocker with this - I probably spend about $40 a week on food and snacks and chocolate and crap. So my first goal is a two time a week homemade lunch. I think I might have to leave my cashflow card at home on those two days so its not as tempting.

To workout three times this week.
Thursday - Body Attack on my own (as Trudz is now working to 5.30)
Friday - Body Pump
Sunday - Cardio

To start my food plan.
Properly this time.

So as much as I would like to eat all the chips, ginger crunch and drink all the coke thats hanging around this house, I'm going to resist temptation.

Wish me luck.

What the?

So somehow I ended up in July.




I have fallen off the exercise train. Fallen RIGHT off. Avoided sessions with my trainer - although she did quit two weeks ago - become unmotivated and blah.

I guess it happens to us all. It's winter now - and in ten days I will be thirty.

30. The big Three Zero.

Unmotivated.

Fat.

Tired.

Stupid sugar cravings.

So, I know what I need to do - and today I took the first step. I emailed the gym, complained about my trainer giving me one day's notice that she was quitting - and managed to score two free sessions to help me get back on it with a new trainer :)

First session is tomorrow night at 5.30pm.

I am setting myself some goals. Some real goals. And I'm going to be a lot more focused. And fuckit - even though my rent has jumped up (this house is five million times warmer, nicer and cooler than our old one), my health is way more important than making sure I have enough money for lunch (there is food in the cupboards I could take to work and eat - but thats a whole other post).

I don't want to be 30 without a plan.

Motivate me!

I'm feeling incredibly unmotivated at the moment. And I'm going to blame winter. Its too cold to ride - although I do it anyway - thanks neckwarmer and wind proof gloves - although I'm not sure what I'm going to do when it rains.

I'm also going to blame the Pandyr's three month or so long nightshift. So not only when I get home around 7ish in the night, do I then have to cook my dinner and shower and wash dishes and wash clothes, I then get woken up anywhere between 1am and 5am when he gets in.

As you can imagine this makes for a very grumpy Mel.

I need to get back into it. I've been stuck on the same weight for the last month. I can't get my head round the eating plan. Its bloody easy, but I can't be arsed writing down what I just ate. or thinking about it. Its cold. I suck. I need help.

I forgot to mention that I want to thank everyone who comments - even if its just to say Hi - and Sharon I have two presents here for Neco and if I don't get organised he's going to be way too old to ever get any use out of them!

Two Attacks in a week :)

Attack classes that is. This must be a bit of a shock and I am doing them mostly low impact, but I'm pretty pleased with that.

I got my photos back from the challenge. I've been trying to work out what to say about them - but its really tough.

See, when I see a photo of myself - I'm always shocked that it's me. I never see myself as the fat chick (even though I am), and it's a bit of an eye opener. I wish I was brave enough like Renee to post my pics, but I'm not sure if I can do it.

But the changes between the first photo and the last are really different. I mean, I'm still a lard ass - I only lost 7 kilos - but my body has changed shape - no-one told me I had this weird humpback whale thing going on - (thats actually on my back) - and thats descreased markedly - my stomach actually doesn't stick out as far as the puppies anymore (which is a novelty), my ass has shifted (always good, cause I don't want a mum's bum), and my t-shirt is loser around the arms and waist.

I'm going to get the Pandyr to take a pic of me at the end of the next 12 weeks so I will always have the comparison - and, as my friend Lesley suggested - I could make a flip book - so I can flip through it and see myself shrinking as time goes on.

Day One.

Well its day one of body rev, and so far I am going okay. Not sure how much more food I can stuff in my mouth, so I'm going to question that - but I managed an attack class (mostly low impact) and then came outside to find beautiful rain. There's nothing like jumping on your bike when your seat is wet.

I find I am really naughty in that when I get home I muck round for ages before eating dinner, jumping in the shower, going to bed, etc. So this week I'm going to make a determined effort to leave the damn computer alone - to start my dinner, jump in the shower, turn my dinner over, get dressed, eat my dinner, do the dishes, and then relax.

I'm sitting here in a t-shirt freezin my ass off - which is just stupid. It's no wonder this damn cold won't piss off.

Goal Revisited.

Oh yea, I do have a goal in my head that I want to reach. It's 'under the hundy'. (thats kilos, not pounds). But once I get there, I'm not sure what comes next. I was hoping to hit it before my birthday - but with only eight weeks to go, I'm not sure its healthy-achievable. So I'm breaking it into little steps.

Be prepared.

So tomorrow I start my first day on Body Revolution. I went shopping yesterday and bought a gazillion veges and fruit, and tonight before I go to sleep, I'm going to pack all my snacks and stuff to be ready for work. I think this is all about being prepared. About taking enough food so that I don't slip up and eat chocolate, or chips or whatever. I mean I still can have that stuff, just not every day.

So here goes. :)

How much?

Today I was asked by a lady (who has noticed my weight loss with interest) how much I wanted to lose.

I thought about it for a while - and I actually don't know.

For some reason the numbers don't really matter - as long as my clothes fit right, and I'm healthy then I don't mind. Plus, if muscle weighs more, then surely the weight thing isn't that important?

I need to think about this. My thinking is shifting. I'm kind of scared. Well, okay not really.

Final Results

Here they are -
7.1 kilos (or 15 and a bit pounds for my american friends)
Total cms : 42 (or 16.5 inches)
13 off my chest
18 off my waist
4 off my hips
4 off my thigs
.5 off my calf
3 off my biceps

I'm pretty happy with that. Wrote my story, got my after photos done, everything is in - roll on the prizegiving.

I've also decided to do Body Revolution. This is kind of like the challenge again, but in involves dedicated eating and menu plans - and seeing is where this is where I tend to crash and burn, I'm looking forward to it.

I'm meeting my trainer on Monday to go through it all. Should be cool. So don't stop reading because I still need your support.

Also if someone can help me figure out how to put links on the site that would be awesome.

Time

So its week 12 and I wrote a big post about it last night, but bloody blogger ate it and as much as I hit the recover post button it would not come back.

Its the final week of the 12 week challenge. I'm meeting my trainer on Thursday morning for the final measurements, weigh in and body fat. Next week I have to get my 'after' picture taken, hand in my measurement and goal sheet, and write a story about me vs the challenge.

It's actually a lot harder than I thought it would be. The story part I mean. I didn't really struggle, but I have realised a few things about myself. Once its handed in and the judging and winners have been released I'll post it here.

By the way - don't think that with this week being the end of the challenge that I'll be stopping. I've only just started :)

Deal.

I hit the gym this morning. Its the first time in a fair few Sundays that I've actually come - but I did a lot better than my Wednesday attempt, so I must be over the virus by now. (PLEASE!)

I also weighed myself. Now I'm not sure if I should be going off the last couple of weigh ins, because I haven't been eating right and I still could be deyhdrated from being sick, but it seems that I am currently 600 grams underneath the goal I wanted to hit for Week 12 of the challenge.

I clocked my goal. Two weeks early. I'm really stoked, but also really nervous that prehaps I won't stay that low. So I decided to give myself a deal. And I'm posting it here, so I have to stick with it.

For the next two weeks (until the end of the challenge) I promise to:
1. Track everything that enters my mouth. (I just had the dirtiest thought then)
2. On the days I don't go to the gym, I need to use my pedometer and hit the 10K step mark.

If I am at goal at week 12 my original promise to myself was to buy myself a piece of bling.

If I am under my goal = by at least 500 grams = then I will give myself an extra reward, by purchasing something from my wishlist at Amazon.

Deal.

Shaken.

I went to the gym tonight - did my usual Wed Pump class, but honestly couldn't handle it. My legs were shaking after the squat track, and by the time I got to lunges - it was pretty much over. So I snuck out, and called the Pandyr to come get me. Not sure if its a side effect from the virus - or if I didn't eat quite right today.

While I was there, I did jump on the scales - because I am so addicted to weighing myself, and its ridiculous - and it turns out that I'd lost two kilos. It's probably a little more than that - I had shoes on, and I haven't been eating well over the last couple of days. I probably won't keep all of it off though as my body returns to normal - but fingers crossed - I might :)

So I'm not going hard this week - I'm going to take it easy, keep the weights light, and the cardio easy-ish. Maybe catch a balance class.... yeah, that sounds good.

Virus and Me

I love my counter. I love that I can check out how people found their way here. And I love those people who find me by searching on things like 'lose 15 kilos in four weeks' (that's just under four kilos a week) or 'lose five kilos in 14 days'. Do you think that if I could do that, I'd be writing here? Asking for support?

No way - I'd be on an infomercial - with b-list stars raving about how they did it, and how you can too!

There is no quick fix. If you want to lose weight, you need to eat right and exercise. And thats not just a walk around the block once a week.

Although, I will let you in on this secret. You could also do you best to get the wickedest stomach virus like I've currently got. It's going now - but I pretty much spent the first four days in the bathroom, 24 hours a day - with 20 minute naps here and there. Very nice. And oh so attractive. Luckily the doctor didn't want me to do the tasteful 'poo in a jar' routine. But I was told to not eat but keep my liquids up. And now, I'm not hungry. Although that might be partial nerves due to not knowing if my gut is going to work properly or not.

So now its nearly week 10 - and I've no idea where I'm at, because I have no scales at home, and obviously I've not been well enough to move my fatass over the last five days.

So we'll try this again. Rock on Week 10! I'm gonna go hard!!

Attack! Part Two.

Well I conquered it again - but I'm knackered now, and I possibly went too hard because I feel a little sick - but that could of been the fruit drink I had about an hour before I went. (mental note to self, do not do that again).

I really like that class, but I find the people in it are pretty hardcore. It makes me laugh though - I'm doing wimpy press-ups and the superfit chick next to me has to keep stopping hers because she can't do it. Seriously - I did the whole track - it was a combined press and tricep - she did maybe 3/4 if that - and rested way more than me. I see that a lot in Pump too - if the weights are too fucking heavy and you have to keep stopping, drop them down. Who cares if you're lifting less than your friend, or the fat chick in the corner (thats me), just do it properly and you'll get more out of it and be able to up them faster.

I bought a new sports bra too - but its pretty much eating into me I think. They do not make them big enough - which is a pain in the ass - its like gym clothes - I can rarely find any - and if I do, they're pretty ugly - or they have lame ass embroidery - I don't need that - I just need fabric that will breathe, dry quickly, and last longer than two weeks.

Its week nine. I'm gonna go hard.

Cats

Okay so I made a website thru catster for Bear (am am just creating Molly and Ferg's pages) and I think he's already getting more hits than I am. Dammit.

I'm sitting my driver's licence test on Wednesday. Yes, I am nearly 30, and I do not know how to drive. Yes, I am aware this is ridiclous, and yes, I am aware that I have missed out on many opportunities because of it. I am quite nervous - but I think, without doing the challenge, I wouldn't even be attempting to sit it (after all I have to get to the gym somehow in winter - right?)

Thats how much I have changed in the last eight weeks. Its freaky.

I'm now trying to put together my story for the challenge - its pretty hard - I heard that making the judges cry is a good way to get a prize - but this isn't about the prizes (well maybe a little - I am a Leo after all), its about the results and the fact that I have changed my life around. Its not fully all the way round, but I reckon I'm on the path to kicking ass and getting where I want. After years of struggling and not really taking this seriously, suddenly I am.

There is a line. Its pretty long.

At one end - there's the old me - at my heaviest weight (breathe) 124.8 kilos - with a ciggy in one hand and a bourbon and coke in the other - just having scoffed down an entire pizza, garlic bread, chips and dessert - that mel doesn't walk anywhere - she doesn't exercise, and she gets out of breathe really fucking easily.

At the other end - there's the person I want to be - toned and confident, doesn't need to hide, her heart is healthy, and her pcos is gone.

About a third of the way away from the oldme - is me now. Lighter than the above weight - but aiming for 115 in the next four weeks. No ciggies, rarely drinks alcohol, goes to the gym around six times a week, rides her bike nearly every day - still struggles a little with food - manages to only eat two slices of the pizza now. Getting confident, looking healthier, and getting shape definition.

I'm thinking of posting before and after photos from the challenge. But I'm also pretty nervous about it.

I can't believe I posted my actual old weight. Fuck me. I am changing.

Bear has his own website! Thanks Sarah.

This is our darling boy Bear. 

Results.

Here they are!

In the last four weeks I've:

lost 15cm (total of 37.5cm over eight weeks)
lost 1.8kilos (total of 4.3 kilos lost over eight weeks)
10.1% body fat (total of 13.3% body fat lost over eight weeks).

Woohoo! Rock on for the next four weeks - and thanks for all your kind words and support - I really really appreciate it and doubt I would be doing as well without them :)

It also goes to show that weight isn't everything - I'm more stoked by the body fat loss than the kilo loss - I know that the fat loss is making my heart stronger, my body healthier - and eventually the kilos will move.

Body Fat Percentage.

Today I had my body fat percentage measured again.

Now the first four weeks of the challenge, I reduced by body fat by 3.2%. These last four weeks, its down another 12%.

12%. Thats huge. By the end of the challenge, I should be well under 50% body fat (which means I'll be half fat - or so I told the Pandyr).

I've got my official kilo weigh in and tape measurements tomorrow, and the results will be in then.

Attack!

I just did a Body Attack class.

I am so freakin proud of myself right now. This is a truly hard class - I had to do some of it low impact - but I did it. Trudi encouraged me - and I was the biggest person in the class, but thats okay. I am ready to go back next Monday. On the way out, I introduced myself to the instructor, and told him I really enjoyed it and I'd see him next week.

I am finding that so many people are supportive - that I just need to say Hi or smile and once I tell them I'm on the challenege - or after I've been to x number of the class, they realise I am serious and they motivate me. I guess most people come once or twice and drop out. I also think that being the largest is helping me to get recognised more than if I was one of the many skinnies.

I had the wierdest night on Friday where I spoke to about four different people - three of whom told me they are seeing changes in my body - and these are gym people, not my workmates/friends that come.

If you are reading this, and you live in Christchurch, and you want a gym buddy, feel free to email me. The more the merrier - and it will help us all to succeed.

ps - Happy Birthday to the Pandyr. 31 today - old bastard. Must be about time he proposed aye girls!

Personal Training.

So last night I met up with my trainer and we did some box training. It was pretty cool - I got to punch and kick a bag, then inbetween we did some leg work. It ended with sit-ups - and I actually seem to get my shoulders right off the ground now - I wish I could see the improvements in my body like others seem too, and not just in the amount of weight I can lift/move/pump and my flexibility.

Next Wednesday night I'm doing the body fat percentage, before Pump, then Thursday morning I'm doing the measurements and weight, and then I think some more box training. Wish me luck.

Motivation.

I'm really really unmotivated at the moment. Not sure if its because its week seven, or its a general 'its turning into winter' feeling, or whats happening inside my tiny little brain.

Today I really struggled - so I went down to the other end of the office and saw my friend Joan. I told her I didn't feel like going to Combat - and she said that seeing I skipped Jam yesterday I had to go, and she'd walk me down there. And she did. (Although she didn't make sure I actually went in - but I did, and I did the class, and I'm knackered now and glad I went).

I also went and spoke to Lesley - who said that I am starting to get a shape back - that my curves are starting to look like curves, not rolls of fat (there's an attractive image for you all). And that if I was unmotivated - I should go and introduce myself to the people that take the class, tell them I'm unmotivated and that they should feel free to yell at me at any stage during the kicking and punching and speedballing. I chickened out on that, but its a really good idea - I've gotten used to being spoken to in both Pump classes, and in RPM the other night - so maybe next time I'll do it.

Weigh in and measurements again next week. Wish me luck.

Yawn

I just got back from a four day trip round the bottom of the South Island. I'm freakin exhausted, but I'll try post some pics tomorrow :)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOO!

2.5 kilos lost, 22.5cm's and my body fat has been reduced by 3.2% over the last four weeks.

I've got a new programme, I'm feeling so happy and pleased with myself, and I'm going to keep going. I've hit my first goal (under a certain weight), and its all down from there.

Thanks to all for your support - I still need it though :)

Tomorrow....

Weigh in, get measured. Post results. Wish me luck.

Week Four.

Aarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

So yeah, its week four. I missed the gym yesterday (I've just realised that I should never ever eat white bread - my stomach is killing me), and today I decided to go to the supermarket after work to get ingredients for a healthy pita pizza (mushrooms, low fat ham, peppers, tomatoes) so I skipped Jam class.

I want to thank everyone who puts in comments - they crack me up - and its very cool to get an email saying that you have a message ;) I have decided not to worry about the stupid cow at work - everyone with PCoS has different symptoms anyway - plus I'm going to the doctors on Wednesday so I'm going to ask her what she thinks.

I have been a bit worried though, because I seem to have no appetite (although that does not stop me from eating). I hit the gym, ride my bike home, cook dinner, and I have to force myself to eat it - I'm sure thats not right. I also force myself to eat breakfast in the morning - and I really struggle with that - today I have hardly eaten at all, but I feel like I've just pigged out at an all you can eat restuarant - its really weird.

Anyway, Thursday morning I am seeing my trainer - and as its week four, I'm pretty sure we'll be updating my weight, body fat and measurements.

Wish me luck - I will post the results :)

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Some people can be so very negative. I'm very lucky that I have a huge support crew - especially at work - which rocks. There's not much of a chance of me eating crap food during the day, because someone will notice. (and take the rest of the milky bar away even though they don't like them, and give it to someone else - thanks Paul!).

But then you get one. One person - who has PCOS, and think she knows it all because she was diagnosed early. That one person told me I shouldn't be eating (big list here) oranges, apples, peas, beans, bread (I interupted and said I eat brown bread - she replied - no, no bread), potatoes - anything that your body turns into sugar. I said I was doing the 12 week challenge. She said - you won't lose weight.

Thanks. Not. How fucking negative. I'm so determined to prove her wrong. In fact I already am proving her wrong - I've had three different people say to me over the last two weeks they can see my cheekbones slowly starting to appear - the Pandyr found a hip bone (okay so he had to push down a little, but it was there), I can see a little muscle definition in my legs, I can feel the bones above the puppies (ie chest) - they're not sticking out, but there used to be a layer of blubber there, and its shrinking.

I put my weights up for Pump - chest, legs and biceps last night - from 2 kilos to 5. It killed me, and I struggled with the bicep track, but I'm not dropping them back.

Kiss my ass negative co-worker - I'm going to fucking make it.

Kilos lost: 4 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 3

Dammit.

I think I worked myself a little bit to hard last week. Monday I was feeling okay, biked to work, did a jam class, biked home, but by the time I got there was feeling really crappy and blocked up. Tuesday, biked to work, but felt like shit, so skipped combat and biked home. Wednesday felt a lot better - so biked to work, did a Pump class then my 20 minutes on the crosstrainer, then biked home. Thursday I was sick again. Grrrr. So skipped my trainer, and got my hair cut. Did another pump class yesterday and biked again - but skipped the cardio. Don't feel to bad today, but my eating has been a little out of control this week. The Pandyr is back on days (after three weeks of nights) so hopefully this week will be a bit more organised.

Kilos lost: 4 :CM's lost: N/A: Gym Classes this week: 3

I'm not good on weekends :(

I'm not sure why, I find weekends harder to stick to eating properly. Saturday was my rest day and I started out okay - until we went to Q&T's. Then I had a baileys gilde, chips and dip, m&ms and a caramello egg.

Dammit.

I think what I should of done, was sat on the couch - rather than on the chair next to the food. But I know now. We ended up crashing in the spare bed - and I woke up at nine this morning, set the dogs on the Pandyr to wake him, and we rushed home and I did my Pump class and my crosstrainer.

So I guess its not all bad.

Kilos lost: 4 CM's lost: N/a Gym Classes this week: 4+2PT Session

I'm not going to beat myself up over this - I started out okay yesterday - forced down a bit of toast, met my trainer at the gym, did 20 minutes on the rowing machine and some tricep, back and chest work, then started work a bit later.

By the time I got home last night I was knackered - turned on the element to heat some water for dinner - wandered off - about five minutes later, smelt something really really bad - walked back into the kitchen and realised I had turned on the element that had the jug on it. So melted the fuck out of the jug - and the worse part - I did the same thing last week. So now our regular jug and our spare jug are munted beyond belief, and boy does plastic smell when you heat it up!

After that little drama, I thought I'd stay away from the oven, so I ordered a small vege pizza and had two and a bite slices, and left the rest for the Pandyr. Thats not so bad, is it?

Kilos lost: 3.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 3+2PT Session

Woah.

So this morning I slept in a little and had to bike in against heavier traffic than I'm used to. I did okay though - so I guess I'm getting more confident.

It was Pump class tonight - and afterwards I am now supposed to hit the cross trainer for 20 minutes - doing a minute on level 5, then going hard out for 30 seconds on level 8, then back to a minute on level 5, and so on.

I wasn't sure if I was going to do it/be able to do it - and if I was going to be able to manage the ride home - but I gave it a shot and I MADE IT! I was thinking about doing 10 minutes, but when I got to there, I thought another five - then I got there and thought hey - its only five more - and kicked ass. Gabby had to wipe the sweat off my forehead at one point - and went all hyper and enthusiastic coach at me - which made me laugh heaps.

Personal trainer again in the morning - and nutrition seminar tomorrow night. I must try and keep away from the scales though - but its hard. I don't want to disapoint myself but I want to see how I'm doing!

Kilos lost: 3.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 3+1PT Session

Goal Setting...

So last night I had my goal setting seminar. I think I've got some realistic goals (1.5 kilos in four weeks - 7.5 by the end of the challenge), and I've promised myself something shiny if I succeed, and to post my 'before' photo if I fail. If that doesn't spur me on, nothing will. I'm too nervous to even LOOK at the before photo - heh.

I want to thank everyone who has visited and/or posted comments or emailed me. You all rock (but hey thats why you're my mates) and don't forget to come back!

Tonight I hit Combat - started out okay, but by the end, I'm taking it low impact and my face is redder than a fire truck (which is a little embarassing). Trudz and I were over by the mirrors - which I think makes me work that little bit harder (plus its less crowded over that side). I know I'd prefer to be as far away from them as possible - but it helps with technique. (or perving - take your pick).

Kilos lost: 3.3 CM's lost: N/a Gym Classes this week: 2+1PT Session

First Day Hypers.

Welcome to day one.

Today is the starting point of my new body, my new attitude and a new focus. It's day one of the les mills 12 week challenge - and while I'm enthusiastic and keen to get my fat ass moving, I'm also nervous. Silly, but true.

Met my new personal trainer today, and she rocks. She chucked me on a cross trainer for 20 minutes after talking to me about my plans and goals, and doing the nasty weight and measurment checks. She's given me a really good plan to follow, and I'm going to do it. I also sent the following email out to my friends :- and I know that
they're all going to help to keep me going.

Hi guys

Some of you know I'm doing the Les Mills 12 week challenge. It's a personal commitment to changing my life around - getting fit, (hopefully) losing some of this damn weight, and generally working on myself, not only on the outside but inside too.

Start date is today - I've been measured, weighed, body-fatt'd (that was scary), had my blood pressure, blood sugar checked, I've bought a bike, fired my first personal trainer and now got a woman (who understands PcOS), set up a training plan for this week - and tonight I have my first 'goal setting' seminar.

So why am I telling you this? Well, mainly its because I want you guys to be on my crew. That is - support-crew. I know that I cannot do this on my own - that at times I will struggle, that I will try and get out of going, that I will be lazy, that I need a push. Or a shove. That I will make excuses - and while this week I am excited and energised, that at times I will struggle - I do not expect this to be easy - I have over 40 kilos that I want to lose - and this is the way I am going to kick start it.

So what can you do to help? Well, you can visit here
http://outdamnkilos.blogspot.com It's a website I created years ago, that I was ocassionaly writing in. I've just overhauled it - and now I'm going to be writing about the challenge (and I'll be writing at least once every two days). By clicking on the comments (at the end of every post) you can send me a short note of encouragement, or pushiness, or just a hello), but not just the one time - you have to keep coming back! You can also email me - or you can text me.

So why should you help me? Uh, because I'm your friend. You guys should want me to have a better quality of life - you know I'll be a much happier person if I'm eating right and excercising - and I know I'll be a better person for it.

So guys, this is it - I'm actually serious this time - and I want you to
help me stay serious. I hope you can help.

Take care
Mel

So guys, thanks so much for emailing me back, adding to the comments (its so exciting when you get a comment), and being so supportive. I hope - no, I know I will see this through, especially now I have your support and enthusiasm. You all rock - but hey - you wouldn't be mates of mine if you didn't :)

Kilos lost: 3.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 1 + 20XTrainer

I made the change.

After thinking about it a lot, I switched trainers. I do feel guilty - I imagine that it's hard to build up a reputation as a good PT, but I wasn't comfortable with him - which would put me off. I'm better off seeing a woman (who will understand better about the mood swings, bad bleeding and general other crap that goes with PcOS), and will probably be able to help push me that little bit more. I'm meeting her 7am Monday which should be good.

I had my photo done today - in my ugly tight green t-shirt that doesn't hide a thing, and my usual gym shorts. Then I did a Balance class and rode home. I actually find Balance quite hard - its hard to get into some of the positions, when you have some extra curves, but I'm trying!

I just worked out that I have now been to the gym five days in a row - and tomorrow after Pump - will make six. I've ridden my bike three times (since sunday), and today after Balance on the way home, I actually went up a block cause I was enjoying myself. Weird.

Kilos lost: 2.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 5+1PT Session

I forgot to add...

That at 1.30am this morning as I wandered back from the toilet (damn water) The Pandyr had just got home from work and mentioned as I staggered by "I'm really proud of you for riding your bike to work". Awwwww, bless him.

To change or not to change...

Today I had my bloodwork done by the Nurse for the challenge. My cholesterol is a little high - but its not overly bad and my blood glucose and pressure are fine. So thats a bit of relief. Then I went to Pump, and man are those squat tracks killing me. I think thats going to be one of my goals - to do a whole squat track, no stopping, and to go as low as possible.

I'm still debating what to do about my trainer... but I have an appointment with him tomorrow, so maybe I should just ask him straight up if he needs to check my membership card to see how much I come? I'm a bit wary because he is a young guy, and one of my motivations for doing this is that fact that I want kids and at this point, my fertility is so fucked up (because of PcOS), that without losing weight, I'm not gonna get them, and I feel embarassed about saying this to him - I also think he may be a little fat-phobic - hmm wonder if I should ask him straight up about that?? heh.

I know that PT's make their money by the amount of sessions they can get their clients to do - but surely you should think about what the client wants as well? He never really asked me, and I have to say, that thinking about the half-assedness of my session the other day - I'm a little pissed off. However, I guess I'll just have to wait (weight) and check tomorrow.

My fifth day in a row at the gym.

Fuck me, I think I'm serious about this, this time.
Kilos lost: 2.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 4+1PT Session

Oh. My. Freakin. God.

This morning, I got up, ate, showered, rode to work(!) (although left to early but less traffic so thats okay), did my day, walked my bike to the gym, did a one hour combat class, and biked home.

I'm freakin exhausted. I can hardly keep my eyes open - I think I'll be cooking tea then going to bed. The combat class was an absolute killer - I forgot how hard it is, but how much I love it - and I do have to take the lower impact options. By the second track I was sweating and puffing, but I'm going back.

Kilos lost: 2.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 3+1PT session

The first meet. or Meat.

So this morning, I met my personal trainer. He's going to motivate me for the 12 week challenge (if I can afford it), and do all my measurements etc.

It's always interesting meeting trainers. Because I am such an extra curvy woman, I always think they won't believe me when I admit the amount of exercise I do, and I'm kind of sure thats what happened this morning. In saying that - I was doing some squats and I said 'ow' (being pathetic) so the trainer said 'okay two more' but really, I could of gone a little bit harder. I think I'm going to have to 'fess up and say 'look, I'll lie to you - I'll pretend I'm tired, but there's more energy there to burn - I'll say that I'm done, or I need a break - but I don't. You need to push me - I'm being pathetic and pretending.'

It takes time to get to know someone - to get to know how hard you can push them - and if I think my trainer is going to be able to be walked on - then I'll walk right on him. So best to be honest with myself and with him. Next meeting is Thursday - hope he doesn't tell me off!

Kilos lost: 2.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 2 + 1 PT Session

My legs hurt.

Not sure if The Pandyr was trying to reverse psychology me this morning, but I got out of bed, ate a semi-healthy breakfast, packed my bag, got on my bike, and rode to the gym.

My legs are so freakin sore now. Actually not my legs as such, but just the tops of my knees. I sweated my way through a Pump class, then got back on the bike, and had a head wind on the way home. YAY. I almost gave up and got off an walked, but I managed to convince myself to keep bloody going. After all, whats the point if I don't challenge myself.

Not sure how I'm going to handle a whole week on the bike - but I'm gonna bloody try.

Kilos lost: 2.3 CM's lost: n/a Gym Classes this week: 2

Intro Day.

Today was the introduction meeting for the Les Mills 12 Week Challenge. It was pretty interesting - varied group of people there - and two people (previous challengers) got up and spoke - Pat, the guy, looks amazing - he got up to speak, and I thought that it was weird because he looked like a really big guy - but as he spoke, he shed clothing that he used to fit into (and had bulked out with the use of pillows) while they showed photos of him in the background. He was fucking amazing.

The woman that spoke (I forgot her name) was also really cool - she lost 22 kilos over the 12 weeks, and has lost 36 since July last year. I think thats fantastic.

Over the last couple of weeks since signing up, I've been thinking about transport - because I don't drive. And I've been thinking that I should really buy a bike - because I live about 10 minutes bike ride away from the gym. As part of my commitment to the challenge - and because I can't rely on others for rides home (and lets be honest, a cardio workout then a 30-40 minute walk YUCK) - this morning,(before the intro session) The Pandyr took me to Penny's and I got a bike, helmet and lock. All I need now are lights and I'm set to go.

I haven't ridden in many years - I took the bike over to the parking lot - and its true - you never forget how. I might be a bit wobbly on it, but I did it. When we got it home, I was a bit nervous about riding it (still am in fact), but took it for a fang round the block, and I think I'll be fine. Its just cars I need to worry about :)

Kilos lost: 2.3 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 1

Feckin Scales.

Every Friday I approach them.

Left foot on. Right foot on. Numbers flashing... up up up up up up up... I wonder if its going to stop before the weight I was last week... or even worse... is it going to go over?

Every Friday I stay the same. I guess thats better than gaining, but its still frustrating. I take my measurements when I get home.

Do you think its possible that your ass can come back - instead of having a merged thigh/ass? Because while my measurements slowly drop from all over - the top of the thigh/under the ass measurement seems to be totally kickin the rest of my body's um ass.

I guess I'll find out for sure. Les Mills challenge intro day is next week. I'm determined to get it into gear. I may be the fattest chick in the class, I might have to take some moves low impact. But I'm there. Sweating. Breathing hard. Burning fat. And I'm not quitting.

Kilos lost: 1.8 CM's lost: N/a Gym Classes this week: 1

Counter.

So anyway, ages ago - in fact somewhere round the begining of last year, I bought a pedometer from Weight Watchers.

I finally decided that prehaps I should take it out of the packet and actually use it. Now to get in the healthy zone, you're supposed to do 10,000 steps per day. I do about 2000-4000 depending on if I walk to work.

Thats fuck all.

I thought I walked heaps, but apparently not. So my mini goal for the next two weeks is to try and get up there with more than 5000 steps per day. I might even add it to my pretty sign off.

Oh and for those of you who are wondering - I can't do cm's lost yet, because I don't think I ever measure myself in the same place - so I'm taking my measurements after I weigh in on a Friday, and then doing an average over a month. You'll know by then end of Feb how I'm going.

Kilos lost: 1.8 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 2

Slack.

Sometimes I'm so damn lazy. Either I don't write, or I don't gym, or I don't walk, or I just fuckabout and get all mucked up. I've been meaning to fix this blog for ages - Not sure if its working yet, fingers crossed.

Kilos lost: 1.8 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 2 + 1 Walk

Hungover.

Oh I feel so sick.

And I only had three tequila shots, a shot of some whiskey stuff or something, half a shot of jager, and about four or five vodka, lime and lemondades. For someone who hasn't been drinking it's a wonder I'm not dead.

I did manage to do a pump class before I went out though, so at least I did something good with my day. I also weighed in and there's no weight loss, but no weight gain for me this week. Woohoo.

Kilos lost: 1.8 CM's lost: N/A Gym Classes this week: 1

I upped my weights.

I upped my weights today at pump, so now instead of one kilo either end with an eight kilo bar, I'm doing 2.5 per end. Go me! I'm not too sore, but I can feel my arms starting to shake from typing, so thats kind of interesting.

I'm going to do my weigh in on Friday. I'm not sure how I've gone this week, my eating has been out of control, but I have done a thirty minute walk and a pump class, which is better than nothing.

Kilos lost: 1.8

CM's lost: N/A

Gym Classes this week: 1 + 1 Walk

I am so Pathetic.

Thats the capital P kind of Pathetic. I started going to weight watchers in 2003 - September - by January, I had lost nearly 10 kilos. Over the 2004 it wavered, back and forth and back and forth. Today, I had my first weigh in at the gym (I will be doing this every Friday), and although I did have shoes on - it turns out that whole year of backwards and forwarding was a total waste of time. I've managed to keep off 1.8 kilos.

1.8 kilos - at this rate I'll be 52 years old before I reach my goal.

Pathetic.

YAY!

I just want to say Thanks to my Secret Santa. You rule - and I love the dvd's. Also, Amazon has the most fun packaging - dvd's had security tabs, then sticker seals, then sealed in plastic, then they were shrink wrapped to a piece of cardboard that was attached to this HUGE box. Hilarious. Especially when you can't find any scissors.

In other Melnews, I did a Pump class tonight - and DAMN am I sore right now - arms are hurting and legs are a bit wobbly - but its an excellent start - and maybe in a few weeks I'll be uping my weights from the pathetic 1 kilo (each side) that I'm currently on.

p.s If you're in New Zealand, and you're struggling with your weight, and you want some support, email me or leave a comment - I'm part of a Yahoo group that is full of fantastic women who are all in the same boat - why not think about joining?

I signed up.

I've been thinking about my weight. And while I was in Auckland the shopping I could have done, if I wasn't so curvy. You know thats bullshit. It's not curves, its fat. Rolls of fat.

I got a weight watchers 'new years promo' thingy in the mail. Now I could spend $17 a week on weighing in, being the largest person in the class, counting everything I eat, but cheating - like I have done over the last year - or I could attempt to change my life.

Change my life.

Thats pretty fucking scary. Can I? Because I pretend that I will, but I don't. I find out I should eat a low GI diet, but I don't. Well, sometimes I do. But I haven't been. Last year I lost 10 kilos. I've put it all back on now. Thats not healthy, nor is it good for heart. Although I have been smokefree since the 26th of December - so I'm pretty proud of myself about that.

I signed up for this.

Its half what I would of spend on ciggies a week, and less than a weekly weigh in - and it should kickstart me into the new year. I'm doing it.

You should encourage me. Or whatever.

I'm Leaaaaaaaaaavin. On a jet plane.

Well not really, I'm flying up to see my mum in Auckland - its her birthday on Wednesday and I thought I should do the daughterly thing and spend it with her.


I think she's got a big schedule of things planned - I know we're going to visit some vineyards - I'm hoping she's allowed me some Me time!