Wednesday, September 29, 2004


I always said that I wanted them (but not yet). He said no. We broke up because of it.
We got back together. I said I wanted them (but not yet). He said maybe.

Later on that maybe turned to a 'if it happens it happens'. No pill, no condoms, but no baby.

A friend told me that if you haven't been using anything and you don't fall pregnant within a year then somethings not right.

Then, all my medical shit happened. No period, But no double line. A period for three weeks. A week off, then seriously heavy bleeding, like I had be stabbed.

A D&C for a pollip that wasn't there.

A follow-up. No period for three months. No pregnancy but all blood tests come back fine.

Two months after that a period. But every two weeks. Last night, (boys you can look away now) a horrible bleeding nightmare in the middle of my combat class.

Today, the doctor.

'You have to make a choice. I can put you on the pill to get rid of your irregular bleeding, but this means no kids. Or I send you to fertility treatments, because you haven't fallen pregnant which means you need some help. You're 29. Your fertility is starting to decline anyway. It's wierd that you haven't gotten pregnant. You need to go home and talk to your partner - decide what you want to do'.

More blood tests tomorrow, then once they get back I have to tell her my choice.

I can't make it.

I never thought I would have to make a decision like this. I think I want them, but I like our life. But I look at friends kids and I think 'yes!'. But I go home, and I write and trade and work and play and I think 'not yet.'


Countdown to weigh in: 2 days

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Sim Fever.

I think I need help in turning it off.

Seriously, I can't stop them from WooHooing, making babies, having parties and bitching because they want a bigger tv that costs over 500 simoleans.

I'm neglecting the house (well, to be honest I always have), I'm neglecting the man (well not really, I did make tea tonight), I'm not getting enough sleep.... this game rocks.

Countdown to weigh in: 5 days

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Bloody Hell.

They're redoing the womans changing rooms at the gym (about freakin time), and theres a big blue drop cloth you have to walk through, which L thinks is like being on CSI. She really wants one of those blue torches, which just cracks me up. I think she's got a hankering for the sexy orange glasses too.

Personally, I'd just be happy with a body like Cally on the Miami version.

Countdown to weigh in: 2 days

Monday, September 20, 2004

Swim damn you.

Well, for the first time in many years I managed to get to the pool today.

I forgot how much I love to swim, how in the water I am light, and how strong my backstroke is. And I had fun. I also got puffed - which is a good sign too I think. I skipped the gym though, I had a million items to list on trademe for my mum before she leaves, and some clothes that I no longer fit/got sent to me and don't fit. User name is mellish if you want to have a look.

Countdown to weigh in: 5 days

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Swimming and Weird Searches.

Okay so weigh in stayed the same. Not sure why, but am going to try and modify my food intake this week to see if that helps to kick the kilos off. Or the grams. At this point I'd be happy with a millimetre. I start swimming tomorrow. I haven't been for a few years, so this should be interesting.

I was checking my tracking details earlier, and someone had searched for 'sexual freaks of nature' and ended up here. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm scared. Also, I can't help you lose five kilos in five weeks - unless you eat right and in the words of scooter 'move your ass'.

Countdown to weigh in: 7days

Friday, September 17, 2004


Yesterday I got one of the reps at work to pick up The Sims 2 for me. It's so hard to sit through 4 hours of typing, answering phones and inputting ads while a box full of fun sits next to my desk.

I was very tempted to skip the gym, and go home and play, but I know that I can't do that now. If I don't choose to keep working out, I might as well accept being a fatchick for the rest of my life. And I don't want that. I've spent most of my 20s overweight.... I've missed out on so much fashion.... I've missed out on spending more time at the beach or the pool over summer.... I've hidden my bingo arms, and my curved belly....

I start swimming on Monday, to help with the triathlon in February. Tonight I'm going to another pump class. And all weekend I'll be playing The Sims.

I spent about 3 hours last night figuring out all the new bits - visually its much cooler, and I'm so glad Bob Newbie has fucked right out of it. He annoyed me with his greasy clothing. I'm loving the fact you can customise their faces - change eye colour, jaw shape, brow shape and put makeup on them. That they don't just either get a delicious looking plate of salad or meat and three veg looking plate for breakfast, lunch and tea - in fact the more cooking points they earn, the greater variety of food they can have. You can meet the postgirl, the maid... and Cassandra Goth is all grown up.

Countdown to weigh in: today

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


I did my second ever pump class tonight, and I have to say I really like the class, but bloody hell is it difficult to make it down the stairs afterwards.

Right now, my triceps and shoulders are aching, my thighs hurt, but I think my ass is coming back. Always a bonus.

Monday night I did a jam class. I love dancing, and I have a ball in the class, but the instructor seems to have some issues with counting - telling us one more time, when there's four more times, and he's not big on the 'fun' parts. We did do a routine that had this bizarre roly-poly move in the middle. (Which if I had done, I doubt I would have been able to get up), although I'm thinking one day it will happen.

Next week my mum leaves for Auckland - she's taking off up there for work, and as much as I will miss her, I know she needs to escape Christchurch and do something new. (Or someone new - her call). We're having a mother and daughter day next week - which means only one pump class, unless I can get my ass out of bed at 6am to make the morning one on Friday. I'll see how I go.

Countdown to weigh in: 2 days

Sunday, September 12, 2004

LPIC Syndrome.

That's Largest Person Inthe Class Syndrome (LPIC).

I have it. I am it. I don't want to be it, but I don't think I have a choice. You'll see me - I stand pretty close to the back, behind Hot Guy and Hot Girl, diagonal to Unco Lady, Frighteningly Skinny Chick, and along a bit from Serious Man, Hyperactive Boy, Scary Muscle Woman, while the other regulars are scattered throughout the class.

The instructors always wave at me, make sure I'm doing okay - to the point where I'm now embarassed by the attention. Yes - I am the LPIC. Yes - I am fine. Yes - I did do a good job. (that last one was sarcastic - I'm not bloody five years old). I want to wear a sign that says something along the lines of 'STOP STARING. I CAN DO THIS. NO I WON'T HAVE A HEART ATTACK. I'M FINE'.

I guess they're just trying to encourage me. Which is nice, but everytime?

Please, if you're a gym instructor, and you have an LPIC in your class regularly, and they do okay, stop checking them out every routine - maybe just go with saying 'Hi' before the class starts - like you do to all the other regulars.

Countdown to weigh in: 5 days

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I surprised myself...

By actually figuring out how to fix this blog all by myself. Admittedly it took two changes of template, but hey, here it is, shiny and new. And I did it all by myself.

My arms and my thighs hurt today, but I can move, which I'm quite happy about. Still debating whether I should go to a Pump class tomorrow, it depends what time I wake up, and being car-less, if I have time to walk in.

I think I am going swimming Monday lunchtime with a co-worker and then after work doing a Bodyjam class (or as I like to call it 'White girls have no rythym class'), because as much as I love to dance, I can't lose my inhibitions and let loose. But I try.

Countdown to weigh in: 6 days


It's 5pm Friday. All the ads are in. (A minor miracle). People are laughing. Hey it's the weekend! Lets get out of this hellhole. Two days of no work HURRAH! Home or pub time?
For me, it's neither. It's gym time.

Last night at 5.30 I was standing in a large studio, with a step (three levels), a 10kg bar, and 2 x 1kg weights, a towel and bottle of water.

It was my first Pump class.

The instructor came over and introduced himself and told me to take it easy, just keep an eye on my form, and not push myself to hard. He was cute. I smiled and said I would. He wished me luck, and took his place on the stage up the front.

The music started, I was lifting weights and it was all go. I 'felt the burn', I 'pushed myself', I did 'just four more', and flippen heck do I feel good today. I'm sore - but the kind of sore that you know your muscles love.

After the class, he spoke to me again, aparently 'I did really well, and was I sure that it was my first class, and that I should come back on Sunday. Also, Pump is the best way to redfine your body shape and its been proven.' I thanked him for a great class, told him I'd be back, then attempted to walk down the stairs with jelly legs (from the squats, not because he was cute).

I also weighed myself. And that's not such a pretty story. But dammit, I will get there.

Try a pump class today, your muscles will thank you for it.

Countdown to weigh in: 7 days

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Night Moves and Blogging

So I've just been playing round the template, and for some reason it won't show up as the new one on my home computer but will at work. It's kinda frustrating, but I can't be bothered trying to figure it out right now. I'm sure I could ask the pandyr and recieve a huge long explanation and him fixing it, but fuckit... I don't care that much, but if you do and you're still getting the ugly old red banner jobby, let me know and I'll figure it out.
In other crap, I haven't slept too well the last couple of days. The pandyr keeps forgetting to open the window for Bear, so he's been waking us up at 12.30 every night. Last night I double checked and opened the window before going to bed so I could get an uniterupted nights sleep....... at least until 4.30am where there was a loud knocking noise.....
Strange man's voice :'Is anyone awake??'
The pandyr:'Yes. Who is this?'
SMV: 'It's the police here, I saw your window open and I was worried that you were getting burgled.'
TP: 'uh no, we're okay thanks.'
SMV: 'Okay, take care.'
TP: 'Thanks.'
We hear him walk away and a car take off.
Me: 'So do you think that was a real policeman?'
TP: 'Yeah, he had a flashlight'.
Thats right people, flashlights are now no longer available to the general public and only policemen carry them.
At least, in the pandyr's world.
Countdown to weigh in: 3 days

Monday, September 06, 2004

It starts.

So..... it's been a while. How are you doing?
I've been struggling along the food highway, trying to look after myself, failing, now I'm sick. Although, I have been using my gym membership (you know, the one I've had since I was 15). Imagine the kind of body I'd have if I'd actually kept using it all these years.
But no.
If you go to my gym, you'll be able to spot me. Somehow in the on/off years of going, all the larger people seemed to have shrunk. Or maybe they only sign up when there's a deal on, go for a month or two, then vanish. All except me. I'm the overweight, unfit, breathing-heavily-in-the-corner-girl. But hey, at least I'm working on it.
If you live in New Zealand and you want some support in your weight loss efforts, email me - I'm part of a yahoo group of women that rock, and we're looking for new members. Only deal is you have to actively participate. One of the other members in Christchurch is one of my gym buddies, and she's pushing me to do the Special K triathlon in February. However you don't need to do that unless you want to :)
Countdown to weigh in: 4 days