Thursday, December 23, 2004

I'm exhausted.



Exhausted. I just spend three hours walking around a mall with Sarah. I still haven't finished my christmas shopping, I'm doing dessert this year and I have no idea what I'm making - I have to work tomorrow until 5, The Pandyr has been on night shift so he's been waking me at 2am/3am every morning - he's out now drinking so god knows what time he'll be home - no doubt waking me once again - my feet hurt, my legs hurt - I've had my fucking period for three weeks (GO THE PILL - the Bastard obviously isn't working) I have to see the doctor - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



I need a shot of tequila and some hard out music to dance to.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Why my body sucks.



You know, back when I first started having sex, I was so scared of falling pregnant.


Now, when I want to - I can't.


I see friends babies and my heart physically aches. I've never had that feeling before. Its pretty scary as I've never considered myself to be partically maternal.


I like my life - expensive skincare, a weekend overseas at a drop of a hat (well okay a months planning), being able to drop $30-$40 on books every week, sleeping in with the Pandyr - but pretending the cats are our children just isn't cutting it anymore.


It's scary.


It's scary that I think I'm never going to fall pregnant, that I'll never have the joy of waiting up all night for my child to walk in the door after they've missed curfew - seeing a child's first steps, hearing their first words.


It's late, I'm tired, and I might wake up tomorrow and think 'what the fuck was I typing last night', but I might not.


Tuesday, December 14, 2004

NY-LON




If you haven't seen the show tune in!


I think we're up to the forth episode and its brilliant. Even the pandyr likes it. And he's not into tv.

It's about an English guy and an American girl who meet in London - she flies home, but they have this connection. The filming is brilliant (its shot partly on location), the storyline excellent, and I love the way they screen from his and her points of view.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Excellent.



fluffymack
You are Fluffy Mackerel Pudding!! You somehow
manage to combine seafood and dessert into your
wonderfully fluffy world. We should all be as
tolerant of New Taste Sensations. And of
big-yolked eggs.

What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?

Friday, December 10, 2004

Today... New Zealand stops smoking.

At least, inside.
We've joined the list.
No smoking inside clubs, pubs, resturants and workplace smoking rooms are banned.
Tonight is going to be very interesting out on the town.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Madness.

What is it about Christmas that drives people crazy? Tarn and I went to a little local mall - basically only good for The Warehouse, and it was packed. No parks anywhere, mad driving in the lot, women with out of control shopping trolleys...

So we went to this tiny mall on the other side of town, and it was great - no wear near as busy and picked up some good bargains, plus they had something I should of bought for Andrew (except I already ordered it from another shop in town - but I'm thinking I should of picked it up anyway).
I need to post my christmas cards out. I need to finish my shopping. argh.


Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Its the first!

The first of December. I have one Christmas present, I have booked my flights to Auckland for my Mum's birthday, I have no spending money for the trip, I have a hens night on the 18th of December, I am disorganised, slightly stressed, and wondering what the hell you buy the boy who is impossible to buy for.
Woohoo. I do have some ideas, but he's so not helpful - He either wants the impossible (Dragons Lair Arcade Game - imported from the states - around NZ$5000), or things that I have no idea of what the are (fangdangled computer part that allows you to *brain switches off* blah snort whistle blah).
Impossible.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

It's been a while.

I'm still here. Just signed up for Secret Santa, which I do every year. It's great - I wonder if I'm the only kiwi signee?


Saturday, October 16, 2004

It has a name.

So, apparently my testorerone levels are high. And my BMI is to high (but I already knew that), but my sugar levels are okay.
My doctor is certain I have PCOS.
I need to find me some info.
Countdown to weigh in: 6 days

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Choices.

I always said that I wanted them (but not yet). He said no. We broke up because of it.
We got back together. I said I wanted them (but not yet). He said maybe.

Later on that maybe turned to a 'if it happens it happens'. No pill, no condoms, but no baby.

A friend told me that if you haven't been using anything and you don't fall pregnant within a year then somethings not right.

Then, all my medical shit happened. No period, But no double line. A period for three weeks. A week off, then seriously heavy bleeding, like I had be stabbed.

A D&C for a pollip that wasn't there.

A follow-up. No period for three months. No pregnancy but all blood tests come back fine.

Two months after that a period. But every two weeks. Last night, (boys you can look away now) a horrible bleeding nightmare in the middle of my combat class.

Today, the doctor.

'You have to make a choice. I can put you on the pill to get rid of your irregular bleeding, but this means no kids. Or I send you to fertility treatments, because you haven't fallen pregnant which means you need some help. You're 29. Your fertility is starting to decline anyway. It's wierd that you haven't gotten pregnant. You need to go home and talk to your partner - decide what you want to do'.

More blood tests tomorrow, then once they get back I have to tell her my choice.

I can't make it.

I never thought I would have to make a decision like this. I think I want them, but I like our life. But I look at friends kids and I think 'yes!'. But I go home, and I write and trade and work and play and I think 'not yet.'

fuck.

Countdown to weigh in: 2 days

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Sim Fever.

I think I need help in turning it off.

Seriously, I can't stop them from WooHooing, making babies, having parties and bitching because they want a bigger tv that costs over 500 simoleans.

I'm neglecting the house (well, to be honest I always have), I'm neglecting the man (well not really, I did make tea tonight), I'm not getting enough sleep.... this game rocks.


Countdown to weigh in: 5 days

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Bloody Hell.


They're redoing the womans changing rooms at the gym (about freakin time), and theres a big blue drop cloth you have to walk through, which L thinks is like being on CSI. She really wants one of those blue torches, which just cracks me up. I think she's got a hankering for the sexy orange glasses too.


Personally, I'd just be happy with a body like Cally on the Miami version.


Countdown to weigh in: 2 days

Monday, September 20, 2004

Swim damn you.


Well, for the first time in many years I managed to get to the pool today.

I forgot how much I love to swim, how in the water I am light, and how strong my backstroke is. And I had fun. I also got puffed - which is a good sign too I think. I skipped the gym though, I had a million items to list on trademe for my mum before she leaves, and some clothes that I no longer fit/got sent to me and don't fit. User name is mellish if you want to have a look.

Countdown to weigh in: 5 days

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Swimming and Weird Searches.

Okay so weigh in stayed the same. Not sure why, but am going to try and modify my food intake this week to see if that helps to kick the kilos off. Or the grams. At this point I'd be happy with a millimetre. I start swimming tomorrow. I haven't been for a few years, so this should be interesting.


I was checking my tracking details earlier, and someone had searched for 'sexual freaks of nature' and ended up here. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm scared. Also, I can't help you lose five kilos in five weeks - unless you eat right and in the words of scooter 'move your ass'.

Countdown to weigh in: 7days

Friday, September 17, 2004

Motivation

Yesterday I got one of the reps at work to pick up The Sims 2 for me. It's so hard to sit through 4 hours of typing, answering phones and inputting ads while a box full of fun sits next to my desk.


I was very tempted to skip the gym, and go home and play, but I know that I can't do that now. If I don't choose to keep working out, I might as well accept being a fatchick for the rest of my life. And I don't want that. I've spent most of my 20s overweight.... I've missed out on so much fashion.... I've missed out on spending more time at the beach or the pool over summer.... I've hidden my bingo arms, and my curved belly....


I start swimming on Monday, to help with the triathlon in February. Tonight I'm going to another pump class. And all weekend I'll be playing The Sims.


I spent about 3 hours last night figuring out all the new bits - visually its much cooler, and I'm so glad Bob Newbie has fucked right out of it. He annoyed me with his greasy clothing. I'm loving the fact you can customise their faces - change eye colour, jaw shape, brow shape and put makeup on them. That they don't just either get a delicious looking plate of salad or meat and three veg looking plate for breakfast, lunch and tea - in fact the more cooking points they earn, the greater variety of food they can have. You can meet the postgirl, the maid... and Cassandra Goth is all grown up.

Countdown to weigh in: today

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Ow.



I did my second ever pump class tonight, and I have to say I really like the class, but bloody hell is it difficult to make it down the stairs afterwards.

Right now, my triceps and shoulders are aching, my thighs hurt, but I think my ass is coming back. Always a bonus.

Monday night I did a jam class. I love dancing, and I have a ball in the class, but the instructor seems to have some issues with counting - telling us one more time, when there's four more times, and he's not big on the 'fun' parts. We did do a routine that had this bizarre roly-poly move in the middle. (Which if I had done, I doubt I would have been able to get up), although I'm thinking one day it will happen.

Next week my mum leaves for Auckland - she's taking off up there for work, and as much as I will miss her, I know she needs to escape Christchurch and do something new. (Or someone new - her call). We're having a mother and daughter day next week - which means only one pump class, unless I can get my ass out of bed at 6am to make the morning one on Friday. I'll see how I go.

Countdown to weigh in: 2 days

Sunday, September 12, 2004

LPIC Syndrome.

That's Largest Person Inthe Class Syndrome (LPIC).

I have it. I am it. I don't want to be it, but I don't think I have a choice. You'll see me - I stand pretty close to the back, behind Hot Guy and Hot Girl, diagonal to Unco Lady, Frighteningly Skinny Chick, and along a bit from Serious Man, Hyperactive Boy, Scary Muscle Woman, while the other regulars are scattered throughout the class.

The instructors always wave at me, make sure I'm doing okay - to the point where I'm now embarassed by the attention. Yes - I am the LPIC. Yes - I am fine. Yes - I did do a good job. (that last one was sarcastic - I'm not bloody five years old). I want to wear a sign that says something along the lines of 'STOP STARING. I CAN DO THIS. NO I WON'T HAVE A HEART ATTACK. I'M FINE'.

I guess they're just trying to encourage me. Which is nice, but everytime?

Please, if you're a gym instructor, and you have an LPIC in your class regularly, and they do okay, stop checking them out every routine - maybe just go with saying 'Hi' before the class starts - like you do to all the other regulars.

Countdown to weigh in: 5 days

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I surprised myself...


By actually figuring out how to fix this blog all by myself. Admittedly it took two changes of template, but hey, here it is, shiny and new. And I did it all by myself.

My arms and my thighs hurt today, but I can move, which I'm quite happy about. Still debating whether I should go to a Pump class tomorrow, it depends what time I wake up, and being car-less, if I have time to walk in.

I think I am going swimming Monday lunchtime with a co-worker and then after work doing a Bodyjam class (or as I like to call it 'White girls have no rythym class'), because as much as I love to dance, I can't lose my inhibitions and let loose. But I try.

Countdown to weigh in: 6 days

Ow.


It's 5pm Friday. All the ads are in. (A minor miracle). People are laughing. Hey it's the weekend! Lets get out of this hellhole. Two days of no work HURRAH! Home or pub time?
For me, it's neither. It's gym time.

Last night at 5.30 I was standing in a large studio, with a step (three levels), a 10kg bar, and 2 x 1kg weights, a towel and bottle of water.

It was my first Pump class.

The instructor came over and introduced himself and told me to take it easy, just keep an eye on my form, and not push myself to hard. He was cute. I smiled and said I would. He wished me luck, and took his place on the stage up the front.

The music started, I was lifting weights and it was all go. I 'felt the burn', I 'pushed myself', I did 'just four more', and flippen heck do I feel good today. I'm sore - but the kind of sore that you know your muscles love.

After the class, he spoke to me again, aparently 'I did really well, and was I sure that it was my first class, and that I should come back on Sunday. Also, Pump is the best way to redfine your body shape and its been proven.' I thanked him for a great class, told him I'd be back, then attempted to walk down the stairs with jelly legs (from the squats, not because he was cute).

I also weighed myself. And that's not such a pretty story. But dammit, I will get there.

Try a pump class today, your muscles will thank you for it.

Countdown to weigh in: 7 days

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Night Moves and Blogging

So I've just been playing round the template, and for some reason it won't show up as the new one on my home computer but will at work. It's kinda frustrating, but I can't be bothered trying to figure it out right now. I'm sure I could ask the pandyr and recieve a huge long explanation and him fixing it, but fuckit... I don't care that much, but if you do and you're still getting the ugly old red banner jobby, let me know and I'll figure it out.
In other crap, I haven't slept too well the last couple of days. The pandyr keeps forgetting to open the window for Bear, so he's been waking us up at 12.30 every night. Last night I double checked and opened the window before going to bed so I could get an uniterupted nights sleep....... at least until 4.30am where there was a loud knocking noise.....
Strange man's voice :'Is anyone awake??'
The pandyr:'Yes. Who is this?'
SMV: 'It's the police here, I saw your window open and I was worried that you were getting burgled.'
TP: 'uh no, we're okay thanks.'
SMV: 'Okay, take care.'
TP: 'Thanks.'
We hear him walk away and a car take off.
Me: 'So do you think that was a real policeman?'
TP: 'Yeah, he had a flashlight'.
Thats right people, flashlights are now no longer available to the general public and only policemen carry them.
At least, in the pandyr's world.
Countdown to weigh in: 3 days

Monday, September 06, 2004

It starts.

So..... it's been a while. How are you doing?
I've been struggling along the food highway, trying to look after myself, failing, now I'm sick. Although, I have been using my gym membership (you know, the one I've had since I was 15). Imagine the kind of body I'd have if I'd actually kept using it all these years.
But no.
If you go to my gym, you'll be able to spot me. Somehow in the on/off years of going, all the larger people seemed to have shrunk. Or maybe they only sign up when there's a deal on, go for a month or two, then vanish. All except me. I'm the overweight, unfit, breathing-heavily-in-the-corner-girl. But hey, at least I'm working on it.
If you live in New Zealand and you want some support in your weight loss efforts, email me - I'm part of a yahoo group of women that rock, and we're looking for new members. Only deal is you have to actively participate. One of the other members in Christchurch is one of my gym buddies, and she's pushing me to do the Special K triathlon in February. However you don't need to do that unless you want to :)
Countdown to weigh in: 4 days

Friday, April 02, 2004

Okay so I haven't weighed in for five weeks due to all the medical crap thats been happening - BUT - I've only gained 200 grams since my last weigh in, so I must be doing something right.

Because of it being Good Friday next week there's no meeting, lets hope I can make it through Easter without pigging out.

Countdown to weigh in: 14 days


Thursday, March 25, 2004

heee, wonder if this would work. Bringing it out to watch me every time I eat my stop me from eating so much.



Countdown to weigh in: 1 days


Monday, March 22, 2004

All I can say is ow. Ow. ow.

I've had today off work, and stupidly did too much, and am now hurting more than I hurt yesterday. Stupid stupid stupid girl.

Oh but the plus side was that the nurse weighed me before I went into theatre and I was down 300grams from my last weigh in. However, when you can't do a heck of a lot round the house, and its uncomfortable to walk down the hall to the toilet, and you want chocolate to make yourself feel better, I'm not too sure how this will turn out on Friday.



Countdown to weigh in: 6 days


Thursday, March 18, 2004

I am hyper and I have had no sleep. Weigh in, shopping, library, dvd store, home then hospital tomorrow.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


Countdown to weigh in: 1 days


Monday, March 15, 2004

Okay so here's the deal. Last post was January.

I had a week in holiday in February.

Went to the doctors on the 25th of Feb

Had a scan on the 27th of Feb (they told me it was just going to be a simple jelly on your belly, see your insides, but it ended up with a nice camera up your growler move that tricked the hell out of me.

Doctor phones on the 3rd of March to say tests came back fine, no pcos, no blood trouble, but we think you should see a gynaecologist becuase (boys can stop reading now) your uterus is thicker than normal for someone your age. I have no idea what the fuck this means. I might be 28, but I'm not grown up in the medical ways of the world.

5 March, meet a lovely English man, with a dodgy job (are there no female gyanecologists?), who gets out the lube (I am so sick of people looking at my growler), and five minutes later, once I'm dressed and feeling less embarassed, tells me that most people have around 14mm uterus wall and mine is about 18mm.

Can I come in for surgery on the 19th of March? Yes. I reply. (thank god for medical insurance).

So between freaking out about all this, and not eating right I haven't been to WW in ages. On Friday, I have to get up at 7 and eat, because I can't have anything from then until after my day surgery. Think I might duck into town, do the weigh in, explain to my leader why I haven't been around, come home and try and get some sleep.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee. Sucks to be me right now.
Countdown to weigh in: 4 days


Wednesday, January 21, 2004

chocolate chocolate, how I love you. Especially when I have pms and work is bad.

Countdown to weigh in: 2 days


Friday, January 16, 2004

I am so pleased with myself. Somehow, despite the Indian food (my favourite) and the pizza I've eaten has made me lose 900 grams. Now I'm up to a 10.1 kilo weight loss (or around 22 pounds). I feel heaps better about myself, and I'm noticing little changes about my body - like my back doesn't feel as fatty, and my pants don't fit right.

So many more kilos to go - but not long until I reach my 10% goal, then my 15 kilo goal.

Watch out world, Mel's coming.

Countdown to weigh in: 7 days


Friday, January 09, 2004

Oh yeah - was flicking through the new WW books, and they had some members in there with their old photos and their goal photos.

Now I love before and after photos, celebrities without makeup etc, but I really don't understand some of the pictures.

The changes people make. Like when you can't even see the person in the before photo - that they look nothing like the goal photo. I can understand it - as a bigger person I wish I could hide sometimes - but hey - this is who I am, and yes I'm gonna dye my hair, and wear makeup, and unbutton my shirt so you can see my clevage - hey there's enough of it to go round - and you'll be able to tell that no matter what size I am - I am proud of WHO I am.

Cause weight won't change that.

I guess though, some people aren't comfortable with doing that. So they use the weight as an excuse - to dress in a way they don't want to - to not do something for themselves - maybe they feel like they don't deserve it. Make yourself unforgettable, that will make you invisible and make the weight less noticeable.

Yeah right.

All I can say is don't do it. Be proud of who you are - the shape you have. If you don't like it - you can change it. It's taken me more than three months to lose nearly 10 kilos. But that doesn't stop me being woman.

Right, so its actually been four weeks since I've had a weigh in (yeah yeah, I can't count), but over that four weeks I maintained and managed to lose 600grams. I am so stoked - and I am 200 grams away from my first 10 kilos.

So... I figure 10 kilos should mean a reward of some kind, but I'm not sure what yet.

Countdown to weigh in: 7 days


Thursday, January 08, 2004

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I am slightly nervous, as haven't been to ww for about three weeks now, but, I feel the same, and don't think I have gained - so we'll see how I go.

The wedding was beautiful, and Tarn's mum had to sew up my top while we were getting ready - so thats a good sign (it was a tad too big). I have a couple of pictures, which I think I might get game and post!

D-day tomorrow. Watch out world.

(thats if I can climb the three/four flights of stairs to my meeting - I tripped up the stairs at work today and crashed my knee into the doorframe, so I'm in a bit of pain right now.


Countdown to weigh in: 1 days


Thursday, January 01, 2004

Okay, so its been about two weeks since a weigh in, due to the holidays and stuff. But I don't feel any different, so figure I am maintaining okay, but will find out for sure next Friday.

The big news is though: I'VE LOST A CUP SIZE!

Yes thats right - instead of the doubled, its just the d. I'm pretty stoked with that (although its lucky the Pandyr has small hands so he can't tell yet).

In other news, the wedding is tomorrow, and while I'm not where I wanted to be weight wise, I'm pretty bloody happy with the 10ks (give or take a couple of hundy grams).

Congrats Q & T. It's about bloody time.


Countdown to weigh in: 7 days