Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I'm back!

Here's the scoop - I have managed to pretty much maintain my weight since the end of 12wbt. I am planning on signing up for Round One 2012 and will do that on payday - and in the meantime, while I had fallen off a bit - today is a new day. I've already walked/run 6.5 k, completing day one, week one of the C25K. I burnt 235 calories and now I'm about to shower and then get to the supermarket to purchase some healthy options for breakfast, lunch and dinner. phew.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Its the end...

of the 12 week challenge, and overall I am pretty happy with my results. My final weigh in is tomorrow, and I will do my measurements again. I fell off a little in the last two weeks; with exercise and eating (and writing), but know that I did and have made a plan to combat it. I am hoping to reach 15 kilo loss by Christmas; its not that far off, I just need to get really focused.

I still need to go and purchase my 10 kilo loss reward. I have been hesitant to do so because I want the money for our honeymoon, but as a wise co-worker said to me - 'You've just ripped yourself off, its what you planned and now you haven't done it - which means its in the back of your mind and so you are setting yourself up to fail'. She's right.

Earrings here I come ;)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

12.2 kilos!!

I can't believe it. I could actually get to 15 kilos in the next three weeks if I work hard. woohoo!

Monday, November 14, 2011

A little motivation.

I am supposed to burn 1000 calories every Saturday. I find it incredibly hard. Today I got closer than I ever have before.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Cracked it!

Last week I was pretty quiet on the blogging front. Weigh in was not great - it wasn't a gain, but it was the same weight as the week before. I had a bit of a toy throwing moment and decided to eat whatever the hell I wanted on Thursday - but the weirdest thing - I didn't want that much - and I can't eat that much anymore.

My friend and I went for dinner - I ordered a chicken burger - ate the chicken, half of a bun, the salad and half of the chips and I was stuffed full. In the old days I would of eaten all of it and then looked for dessert (and probably had three drinks as well).

I did have a frozen margarita though. And rather than sculling it down and ordering two more, I made it last throughout the meal.

Friday I weighed myself again and I was up 200 grams, Saturday and Sunday I was back to the Wednesday weigh in weight - aka those same damn numbers.

Monday - I'd lost 900 grams. Tuesday and Wednesday that number held fast. PHEW. (Given that I spent yesterday at Addington Cup Day (the one race I bet on with my own money I made a profit of $4.90 - super excited), and there was free drinks and super yum food) I'm pretty happy with that.

900 grams puts me past my 10 kilo reward and on track to have lost 10% of my body weight by the end of the 12 weeks. That is now my revised goal.

Wish me luck!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Monday - Week Eight

It seems crazy that the time is just flying by on this programme. I think people finally get it when I say 'It's not a diet, it is how normal people eat'. I (mostly) keep to my 1200 calorie limit, and I (try to) exercise 6 days a week. I track everything that goes into my mouth, including the sneaky bit of cake I ate today when I was feeling stressed. So my habits aren't perfect - and I don't expect to be perfect all the time. But I have learnt that if I eat that bit of cake, I need to account for it - by tracking the calories; and work it off - by exercising.

Given that I don't really feel like paying for a gym membership while we are trying to save as much money as we can for our honeymoon in March; I mostly work out using dvd's. Currently my favourite is Billy Blanks SOS (Sweat off the sizes); followed by Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. On Sunday I did both in a row, worked out for over an hour and burnt 400 calories. Today I just did 30 day shred and burnt 175.

I also use The Biggest Loser workouts (Bob makes me smile), and sometimes I do Jackie's Power Circuit, but she kind of scares me.

I forgot how much I like to feel the burn. The next day, even though I groan about sore muscles - I like it because I know it means something is happening. Same with sweat. As gross as it seems, feeling it running down your neck/in your hair, on your palms as you push another set through really makes me feel like I am achieving something.

My mum commented the other day on how I was looking good - and workmates have commented on my body changing. I can sort of see it but not really. On the 12wbt message boards someone posted they felt like they hadn't achieved much - but then decided to take photos to compare to the pre-season pics. She posted the pic of her back - then and now - and you could see the change. I think I might have to do the same thing. Although it won't be for public consumption  - I still find my body pretty horrifying - and I'm shocked at myself for not realising before how fat I had become. I mean, I know I have mirrors and could see by my clothing sizes, but its not the same when you are confronted with it - working through the issues that made me that way in the first place and admitting things to yourself that you haven't been able to - like my binge and emotional eating.

I feel like I have come a long way (baby), but I do have a long way to go. Fingers crossed I smash that 10 kilo goal on Wednesday, and then my next target is 10% of my body weight. Obviously if you are mathematical you can probably figure out how much I weigh(ed), but if you really want to know, just ask. I am proud of what I have achieved so far.

See you Wednesday!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So close!

This week I lost exactly one kilo, which puts me 300 grams away from 10 kilos. 300 grams. ARGH. However this means that next week I should SMASH IT - and then the next goal is 10% of my old body weight.

I have been a bit lax on the exercise lately - I've not been feeling very well and yesterday came home from work (after going in for about 10 minutes) and fell asleep for six hours. Then I read for a bit, cooked and ate dinner, then went to bed again and woke up with a sore throat. ugh.

The heart rate monitor is really inspiring though - every time I do wear it and work out I find myself going for a bit longer to burn those extra cals. I like to get it up to a round number, so rather than 250 cals burnt, take it to 300 - the other day I hit 450 so I took it to 500 -  its kind of fun in a weird way.

I still haven't figured out a list of 'rewards' yet, but I'm planning on taking some time out to do this tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

An add on...

The heart rate monitor - I thought yeah, yeah, gimmick, gimmick. And then I thought, okay maybe I should get one, and now, after a first proper workout wearing it; hearing it beep when my heart rate gets to high so I can go back into the fat burning zone, and then seeing the magic 409 calories burnt at the end of a workout (which admittedly was a workout that turned into vaccuming because I was so close to 300 cals - except have now ended up on 409 cals - so damn worth it.

A new toy for weigh in day!

900 gram loss this week. Given that on Saturday Tarn and I had a free for all, although not as free as we would of before starting 12wbt, I'm pretty happy with that. I've now lost 8.7 kilos in 6 weeks. If I average it out by the end of the programme I should of lost around 16 -17 kilos, but the body is a fickle thing, and sometimes so is my mind, so I'll keep my fingers crossed and aim for 20 kilos - but I'd be happy to hit 15.

I got a new toy yesterday. A polar heart rate monitor. The 12wbt has deals on a few things and I wondered about getting one so after asking the members of the round 3 NZ group I thought it would be worth it. Tracking calories burnt and making sure I'm working out in the right zone (ie fat loss) is going to be very beneficial for me - plus I quite like round numbers, so if I was working out and could see that I had burnt 289 calories, its not hard to make that number 300. The best part though was the price - no gst (bought out of Australia) and 20% off + free shipping = score!

1.3 kilos until I hit my first 10kg goal. Hopefully the HRM will help me get there for next week.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Woof, arf, treat, sit. Good dog.

800 gram loss from last Wednesday's weigh in (sorry I didn't post!). Over 35cm in total (10cm off the boobs!) It's still a long journey for me though - too scared to put the big numbers out there - trying to focus on the first 10, then the second 10 and then the third 10 - and it goes on a bit more, but thats as far as I want to think right now.

I'm currently tracking at 7.8 kilos, I'm hoping to hit 8.5 or (fingers crossed) 9 kilos. Then its 1 or 1and a half more kilos and I hit my first goal.

I need a reward for that first ten, and I'm thinking about a pair of diamond stud earrings. Nothing too big, but something that is special, that I would never think to pick out for myself. Something that every time I look in the mirror I can see and celebrate. 

The old kind of reward I would of chosen would of been food related. But I learnt last week that:

I am not a dog. I should not reward myself with food.

I should pick things like pedicures, manicures, physical objects that I will keep forever. I'm making a list. And unlike Santa I'm not checking it twice.

I'd like to be 99 kilos by March. To go to America and be under the hundy. I think I'm on track to do this, but it might take a bit of extra work. And my reward - I'll buy some kind of jewelery in the states, or maybe a Fendi bag - seeing as I've wanted one for the longest time.

I'll keep thinking.... any suggestions on non-related food rewards gratefully accepted :)

Friday, October 07, 2011

Emotional eating and bad planning.

I'm writing this from a cafe. Not the best breakfast to have, but after taking Dee to chemotherapy this morning and then realising I have no milk, bread or eggs after getting home I chose to stop at a cafe. I chose. It's not the best choice but it's been a while. I'm not sure what I think right now, I know I should of been better organized this week and I'm not.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011


Yes, today's weigh in, while being one of my lowest losses so far (600 grams) puts me up to 7 kilos lost, in four weeks. I'm pretty happy with that. I know I can do more, and I know I'm going to have to be a bit more vigilant though - a few red flags (days where you know eating will be tricky due to social functions etc) coming up - I had one last night (posh dinner), one tonight (family dinner), one on Monday (co-workers birthday - we always get cake), a work function with nibbles and drinks on Thursday, next Saturday a baby shower, and the list goes on.

But its how you deal with these things that I think I never used to figure out. I'd just eat and eat and eat.

So tonight, I've checked the menu and will go for a healthy option of veges and chickens in a light sauce (like oyster), next Monday I will have a piece of cake, although only half of the serving and no other snacks and a light dinner. The work function I am organising so I'll be able to have input into the menu, but I will make sure to have a salad before I go and to have a snack free day so I can eat a little.

These are all things I guess normal people do without thinking about it. I guess I never learnt it before, but its better late than never.

Monday, October 03, 2011

It's monday again!

It's week four! 

No red bull, no fat coke, no takeaway foods (pizza hut, kfc and mcdonalds), and I'm not really missing it. Well maybe the fat coke - I've had a craving for that for the last three days, but I'm sure it will pass. It's in my head - and I just need to let it escape out. Maybe if I am still craving it by Friday I might have half a can. But thats it. No more. Because sometimes I think if you still want something several days after having it in your head, you're better to have a small slice/drink of it, then to deny and then binge on it.
Binging is something I am very prone to doing. And I keep it a secret. So my telling the blog that I do it, it lets it out into the open and maybe it will help me stop. And maybe if you binge in secret it will help you too. 

You see back before I started the programme, I would do the grocery shopping and buy chips, biscuits and chocolate, and by the time Andrew got home from skiing, work or where-ever (because I would only do it when he wasn't around) it would all be gone. And I would hide the evidence. An entire block of chocolate, a whole packet of biscuits, a large tube of pringles. All of it. And sometimes more. Like going to the bakery and buying enough food for what I thought would look like two people and eating all of it myself. 

Reality check now, what I thought could feed two, could probably feed four.

And that's no way to live.

Two chocolate bars, instead of one. Large combo. Upsize me. Give me an extra piece of chicken. I'd like one fish, one hotdog, one scoop of chips and a donut and a can of coke. Two sausage rolls, a custard square and a piece of caramel chocolate slice and a can of coke. An entire pizza, plus chicken on the side, and chips and a dessert and a can of coke.

No wonder I felt sick all the time.

No wonder I would lie in bed with stomach ache.

So, wishing for weight loss when you secretly binge eat, is really not going to happen.

Owning up to this behaviour is fucking scary. But hey, you knew I was fat (surely you noticed) and you must of seen me sometimes overeat. I would of said something like 'Oh I'll save this chocolate for later' but I reckon you noticed me eating it and just didn't want to say anything.

Thanks for letting me pretend. 

But don't let me do it any more.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Lamb steak, salad leaves, tomato, gerkin and some kumara.

It's Wednesday!

And you know what that means.... WEIGH IN.

And I lost another kilo, taking me up down by 6.4.I'm not quite sure how... (well I sort of am, someone on the NZ private message board for 12wbt explained basic metabolic rate and calories in and out and I kind of get it now). It's nice to see those numbers drop.

Next Wednesday its not only weigh in day but also measurement day so that will be interesting (I did sneakily measure one thigh this morning out of interest and 3cm's has vanished from it - so although my results aren't gasp-shockingly obvious, they will be soon!

Last night on the message board I posted this image and the below text to go with it.

I think that I am like hey I've lost five kilos, why hasn't anyone noticed - but if I'm honest with myself, its that five kilos is nothing compared to what I actually need to lose to look like a regular sized person. Of course no one is going to notice. I need to be patient, and that's where in the past I have gotten discouraged and failed.

And its true. I have been doing a bit of soul searching with this. Not only do I want to fit comfortably on a plane when we go honeymooning, but I also want a better quality of life. I want to get up and feel energised, I want to go out and not feel like everyone is staring (and most of the time they probably aren't - but it would be nice to not feel like they are). I want to fit into regular sized clothes. I want to be able to walk into shops and not wonder if they have sizes to fit me. I want to not obsess about food all the time. I want this way of life to be a natural thing, - and with time that will happen.

In response to my rant above, the lovely ladies in the group posted these messages of support.

Mel, keep sharing your losses and progress with us so that we can cheer you on because every little bit you lose should be acknowledged. And the great thing is that if you find that patience and keep at it you will eventually enjoy the feeling when your friends start to notice :-)

Mel - 5 kilos is amazing! Imagine that as a bag of potatoes! That is heaps! :)

A bag of potatoes. That is bloody heaps. In two weeks, thats massive. 

And so, this is not just a 12 week journey for me. I will sign up for the next round of the programme and probably the next and the next. 

I am going to smash my goals.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tuesday - the day before weigh in.

I know I should write more here - but I've actually been trying to keep away from my computer. You see it sucks me in. I get up and think, right a quick workout, but first I'll just check my email, and next thing you know I've checked the news, my auctions, facebook, gossip sites, message boards and its 7.45 and I need to leave in 15 minutes for work and I've yet to shower, eat and sort out the animals.

I thought this pic was not only funny, but also very true. 

Last week I was a bit lax on the exercise. I'm pretty sure that will show on the scales tomorrow. But I know what my weak points are - I just have to find a way to combat them. So the more people I can encourage to come for a walk/run./waddle with me after work on mon/wed and fri - means the more chance I'll actually go and do it.  And last night, I did the first two laps on my own before someone turned up to join me and I was fine. FINE. So god knows why I wasn't doing this on my own earlier. You'd think being an only child I should be used to doing things on my own and usually I am, but I think it was the fat person nerves, that little voice, 'everyone will look at you, stomping your lard ass round on your own' - well little voice, in return I say 'who the bloody hell cares - I don't know them and if that's their attitude, then there's something wrong with them.'

So people, next time you see a fuller figured person taking some exercise, smile at them. You don't need to cheer, or give them a pep talk (seriously this is just weird and also embarrassing), a smile or a pat on the back as you overtake them (maybe only use the pat on the back one for an actual gym class where you sort of know everyone) is all the encouragement we need.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Failure to blog.

Its true. I've been hiding. I appear to be handle this way of eating at work. 

But alone. 

On a three day weekend. 

Not so much. 

It probably didn't help that a very dear friend dropped off some of her awesome home made russian fudge. And while I didn't scoff the entire lot in one sitting like I would of before starting 12wbt - I did eat. All of it. Over three days. Despite telling Andrew (hubby) and Mum and my friends that I will go and give it to the neighbours.

Fudge fail.

But I did cook every night I was on my own and I kept mostly to my 1200 calorie limit - only going over slightly.
And, today being weigh in day I was not expecting to lose 1.8 kilos. But I did. 

But how much more would it of been if I had behaved - and made the two exercise sessions I missed?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Temptation and Weigh in day!

So this morning it was weigh in day and I'm super stoked to report I dropped my lard by 3.6 kilos or 2.59%. Massive amount for only two real days of careful strict eating and exercise. I was pretty excited given that yesterday was so shit with the news of Dee*'s cancer being more serious then we thought and the probability that she's going to have to have chemo.

Today I also managed to do day 2 of week one of the C25K. And this time I jogged for the full nine minutes (as opposed to Monday's roughly 6 minutes of managing to keep the jogging up). Pretty impressed with myself right now!
We also had one of the media we deal with turn up at work today with a box of donuts. Beautiful donuts. I bunked the meeting and managed to keep away from them. It was really hard - but the amount of work I would have to do to burn that donut off kept me focused. It also helps that three people in my office of nine know what I am trying to achieve and I didn't want to blow it this early! Hopefully this will continue on - but I know there will be times where I do fail and I need to admit it, own it and move on. (and of course factor into my calories for the day).

Given that the environment I work in is very food focused (seriously, media bring us food constantly) - which when you don't give a shit about what you eat, is great - but when you're trying to make a seriously lifestyle change - its bloody hard. I reckon this is going to be one of my biggest challenges. But I'm determined to figure out a way to make it work and to deal with it.

Onwards and downwards! (on the scales)

* Dee is one of my two dogs. She's a brindle boxer we found at the pound that no one claimed. She is very loving, sweet and fun. This blows the big monkey. But we love her and would do anything to help her live a long happy life. She is one of our kids...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


So on Mondays (even though its Tuesday today and I am behind) I think I might post something motivational to keep me focused. I saw this and it really struck a chord with me.

I watched a friend do a round of 12wbt. If I had of really investigated it maybe I would of joined her and I'd be in a different place right now. I would be lighter, fitter and stronger. I would be further down this path of health and change. I put it off and missed the boat.

But at least I'm starting now. And not a year from now.

Weigh in day tomorrow.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Day one.

Right now I have a giant detox headache - which is understandable given that every day I would usually have chocolate / lollies / coke and sometimes all three.

This morning started with about 15 minutes of 'The Biggest Loser' workout DVD before Bob and friends froze on my screen and wouldn't unfreeze. There's a massive scratch across the bottom - so I stopped and made a berry smoothie for breakfast. Lunch was amazing - chicken salad with yoghurt dressing. Then a snack in the afternoon before meeting a friend to start c25k.

It hurt to run but I did it. My pace is very slow in fact towards the end I think someone walking could of got past me, but I have to start somewhere!

Dinner was delicious and I'm about to have dessert and take my tired arse to bed.... Fingers crossed tomorrow is just as good as today - but without the headache would be nice!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The dreaded photo.

So my 'before' (because it will before - it will be changing) photo was not as awful as I expected.

Don't get me wrong, its still awful - but I think my biggest shock was the scales anyway, so I'm not worried as much about the semi naked beached whale 'before' look as I thought. Of course, I'd never post it publicly! 

I might take some clothed shots to also do a comparison with - and when I complete the 12wbt I'll consider posting them then.


I think this may be the first time my fridge has ever looked so good!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Pre-season tasks

I've been working through the pre-season tasks - I only have four days to complete them all and last nights one was slightly awful. It was the dreaded weigh and measure (and photo taking*, but I haven't done that part yet)).

The weigh in was not great. See we've had these scales for years - they're the old dial ones - and I was sure they were out - they were hard to read too, making it easier to lie to myself about my actual weight.

Last night, while shopping for stationery to keep my meal plans, recopies and food diary/planner I ended up buying some new digital scales.

I braved standing on them and I was eight kilo's heavier than what my old dial-up scales say.

I can't lie to myself anymore - this is the BIGGEST I have ever been. It's not good. No wonder I'm exhausted all the time.

It's time to change.

(*photo taking will be a post of it own. ugh. this might be worse then the actual scales).

Thursday, September 08, 2011

It's time

It's time to resurrect this dusty old blog. Please feel free to move stuff around, wipe down the chairs and blow the dust off the ornaments.

I'm starting this diet and fitness thing again. And this time its a take no prisoners approach.

I can't continue to be the way I am. The secret eating and overeating. The bad food choices. The lying to myself that one won't hurt. (one might not hurt but when one is a packet thats gotta hurt). The ultimate lazy behaviour. Its time to stop. and think. and get my shit together.

I signed up for the http://www.12wbt.com/ I'm working through my preseason tasks. The season starts Monday.

Wish me luck.