Monday, October 31, 2011

Monday - Week Eight

It seems crazy that the time is just flying by on this programme. I think people finally get it when I say 'It's not a diet, it is how normal people eat'. I (mostly) keep to my 1200 calorie limit, and I (try to) exercise 6 days a week. I track everything that goes into my mouth, including the sneaky bit of cake I ate today when I was feeling stressed. So my habits aren't perfect - and I don't expect to be perfect all the time. But I have learnt that if I eat that bit of cake, I need to account for it - by tracking the calories; and work it off - by exercising.

Given that I don't really feel like paying for a gym membership while we are trying to save as much money as we can for our honeymoon in March; I mostly work out using dvd's. Currently my favourite is Billy Blanks SOS (Sweat off the sizes); followed by Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. On Sunday I did both in a row, worked out for over an hour and burnt 400 calories. Today I just did 30 day shred and burnt 175.

I also use The Biggest Loser workouts (Bob makes me smile), and sometimes I do Jackie's Power Circuit, but she kind of scares me.

I forgot how much I like to feel the burn. The next day, even though I groan about sore muscles - I like it because I know it means something is happening. Same with sweat. As gross as it seems, feeling it running down your neck/in your hair, on your palms as you push another set through really makes me feel like I am achieving something.

My mum commented the other day on how I was looking good - and workmates have commented on my body changing. I can sort of see it but not really. On the 12wbt message boards someone posted they felt like they hadn't achieved much - but then decided to take photos to compare to the pre-season pics. She posted the pic of her back - then and now - and you could see the change. I think I might have to do the same thing. Although it won't be for public consumption  - I still find my body pretty horrifying - and I'm shocked at myself for not realising before how fat I had become. I mean, I know I have mirrors and could see by my clothing sizes, but its not the same when you are confronted with it - working through the issues that made me that way in the first place and admitting things to yourself that you haven't been able to - like my binge and emotional eating.

I feel like I have come a long way (baby), but I do have a long way to go. Fingers crossed I smash that 10 kilo goal on Wednesday, and then my next target is 10% of my body weight. Obviously if you are mathematical you can probably figure out how much I weigh(ed), but if you really want to know, just ask. I am proud of what I have achieved so far.

See you Wednesday!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

So close!

This week I lost exactly one kilo, which puts me 300 grams away from 10 kilos. 300 grams. ARGH. However this means that next week I should SMASH IT - and then the next goal is 10% of my old body weight.

I have been a bit lax on the exercise lately - I've not been feeling very well and yesterday came home from work (after going in for about 10 minutes) and fell asleep for six hours. Then I read for a bit, cooked and ate dinner, then went to bed again and woke up with a sore throat. ugh.

The heart rate monitor is really inspiring though - every time I do wear it and work out I find myself going for a bit longer to burn those extra cals. I like to get it up to a round number, so rather than 250 cals burnt, take it to 300 - the other day I hit 450 so I took it to 500 -  its kind of fun in a weird way.

I still haven't figured out a list of 'rewards' yet, but I'm planning on taking some time out to do this tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

An add on...

The heart rate monitor - I thought yeah, yeah, gimmick, gimmick. And then I thought, okay maybe I should get one, and now, after a first proper workout wearing it; hearing it beep when my heart rate gets to high so I can go back into the fat burning zone, and then seeing the magic 409 calories burnt at the end of a workout (which admittedly was a workout that turned into vaccuming because I was so close to 300 cals - except have now ended up on 409 cals - so damn worth it.

A new toy for weigh in day!

900 gram loss this week. Given that on Saturday Tarn and I had a free for all, although not as free as we would of before starting 12wbt, I'm pretty happy with that. I've now lost 8.7 kilos in 6 weeks. If I average it out by the end of the programme I should of lost around 16 -17 kilos, but the body is a fickle thing, and sometimes so is my mind, so I'll keep my fingers crossed and aim for 20 kilos - but I'd be happy to hit 15.

I got a new toy yesterday. A polar heart rate monitor. The 12wbt has deals on a few things and I wondered about getting one so after asking the members of the round 3 NZ group I thought it would be worth it. Tracking calories burnt and making sure I'm working out in the right zone (ie fat loss) is going to be very beneficial for me - plus I quite like round numbers, so if I was working out and could see that I had burnt 289 calories, its not hard to make that number 300. The best part though was the price - no gst (bought out of Australia) and 20% off + free shipping = score!

1.3 kilos until I hit my first 10kg goal. Hopefully the HRM will help me get there for next week.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Woof, arf, treat, sit. Good dog.

800 gram loss from last Wednesday's weigh in (sorry I didn't post!). Over 35cm in total (10cm off the boobs!) It's still a long journey for me though - too scared to put the big numbers out there - trying to focus on the first 10, then the second 10 and then the third 10 - and it goes on a bit more, but thats as far as I want to think right now.

I'm currently tracking at 7.8 kilos, I'm hoping to hit 8.5 or (fingers crossed) 9 kilos. Then its 1 or 1and a half more kilos and I hit my first goal.

I need a reward for that first ten, and I'm thinking about a pair of diamond stud earrings. Nothing too big, but something that is special, that I would never think to pick out for myself. Something that every time I look in the mirror I can see and celebrate. 

The old kind of reward I would of chosen would of been food related. But I learnt last week that:

I am not a dog. I should not reward myself with food.

I should pick things like pedicures, manicures, physical objects that I will keep forever. I'm making a list. And unlike Santa I'm not checking it twice.

I'd like to be 99 kilos by March. To go to America and be under the hundy. I think I'm on track to do this, but it might take a bit of extra work. And my reward - I'll buy some kind of jewelery in the states, or maybe a Fendi bag - seeing as I've wanted one for the longest time.

I'll keep thinking.... any suggestions on non-related food rewards gratefully accepted :)

Friday, October 07, 2011

Emotional eating and bad planning.

I'm writing this from a cafe. Not the best breakfast to have, but after taking Dee to chemotherapy this morning and then realising I have no milk, bread or eggs after getting home I chose to stop at a cafe. I chose. It's not the best choice but it's been a while. I'm not sure what I think right now, I know I should of been better organized this week and I'm not.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011


Yes, today's weigh in, while being one of my lowest losses so far (600 grams) puts me up to 7 kilos lost, in four weeks. I'm pretty happy with that. I know I can do more, and I know I'm going to have to be a bit more vigilant though - a few red flags (days where you know eating will be tricky due to social functions etc) coming up - I had one last night (posh dinner), one tonight (family dinner), one on Monday (co-workers birthday - we always get cake), a work function with nibbles and drinks on Thursday, next Saturday a baby shower, and the list goes on.

But its how you deal with these things that I think I never used to figure out. I'd just eat and eat and eat.

So tonight, I've checked the menu and will go for a healthy option of veges and chickens in a light sauce (like oyster), next Monday I will have a piece of cake, although only half of the serving and no other snacks and a light dinner. The work function I am organising so I'll be able to have input into the menu, but I will make sure to have a salad before I go and to have a snack free day so I can eat a little.

These are all things I guess normal people do without thinking about it. I guess I never learnt it before, but its better late than never.

Monday, October 03, 2011

It's monday again!

It's week four! 

No red bull, no fat coke, no takeaway foods (pizza hut, kfc and mcdonalds), and I'm not really missing it. Well maybe the fat coke - I've had a craving for that for the last three days, but I'm sure it will pass. It's in my head - and I just need to let it escape out. Maybe if I am still craving it by Friday I might have half a can. But thats it. No more. Because sometimes I think if you still want something several days after having it in your head, you're better to have a small slice/drink of it, then to deny and then binge on it.
Binging is something I am very prone to doing. And I keep it a secret. So my telling the blog that I do it, it lets it out into the open and maybe it will help me stop. And maybe if you binge in secret it will help you too. 

You see back before I started the programme, I would do the grocery shopping and buy chips, biscuits and chocolate, and by the time Andrew got home from skiing, work or where-ever (because I would only do it when he wasn't around) it would all be gone. And I would hide the evidence. An entire block of chocolate, a whole packet of biscuits, a large tube of pringles. All of it. And sometimes more. Like going to the bakery and buying enough food for what I thought would look like two people and eating all of it myself. 

Reality check now, what I thought could feed two, could probably feed four.

And that's no way to live.

Two chocolate bars, instead of one. Large combo. Upsize me. Give me an extra piece of chicken. I'd like one fish, one hotdog, one scoop of chips and a donut and a can of coke. Two sausage rolls, a custard square and a piece of caramel chocolate slice and a can of coke. An entire pizza, plus chicken on the side, and chips and a dessert and a can of coke.

No wonder I felt sick all the time.

No wonder I would lie in bed with stomach ache.

So, wishing for weight loss when you secretly binge eat, is really not going to happen.

Owning up to this behaviour is fucking scary. But hey, you knew I was fat (surely you noticed) and you must of seen me sometimes overeat. I would of said something like 'Oh I'll save this chocolate for later' but I reckon you noticed me eating it and just didn't want to say anything.

Thanks for letting me pretend. 

But don't let me do it any more.