So I know I've been absent for a while....
I need to be honest.
And its hard to write. But I've really struggled with coming home from my honeymoon.
Our city is still broken. Our friends are moving away. Our rent has gone up. Our insurance has gone up. We can't walk into a restaurant on spur of the moment and get a table. We still have holes, patched roads, missing buildings, demolition and gaps where our favourite places used to be. Our house still hasn't been assessed by EQC.
And its hard. For three glorious weeks we lived in a land where we could walk in and get immediately seated for dinner. (Apart from once at the cheesecake factory, we had to wait 20 minutes - don't go there for mains, go for DESSERT). Where roads were as shit as they are at home, but there were things to do, and things to see - (Disneyland was AMAZING).
So to come back - and see that our city is still broken, and will be for some time - it made me feel really down and depressed and sad. And I think I started the grieving process all over again. And I debated about moving, about chucking in my diet, and I lost it a bit on the exercise front. I skipped training with the awesome Will and the girls and supporters of the girls of the Christchurch 12wbt. I hid. I sort of stopped trying to live. And just focused on existing. I struggled with going to work. I hated leaving the house.
And then last Wednesday (ANZAC day, so a public holiday), I met up with the girls mentioned above and realised I'm not the only one who ever felt like this. That we're all doing the best we can - that we're all making the best of what has happened and we're not letting it stop us from living. And I started thinking. And realising, that I can't get down about this, I can't let it affect me like it has for the last month - I've just wasted an entire month where I did the bare minimum in terms of food and exercise. I lost my enthusiasm. But its coming back.
So month of May - I pledge to walk/run/waddle 100km.
I set a new weight loss goal - I know where I want to be my birthday. (August 4th, start saving, I like presents).
I will sign up for Round 2 of the 12wbt (like I promised myself at the start of the year).
I will sign up for Round 3 - and I will be at the finale party in December - with Jo, my inspirational friend who I met through the group.
I will make the best out of what Ma Nature has dealt us. I may get sad, but instead of eating my feelings, I'll pound them out, on the pavement, with workouts, with maybe just finding a field and screaming until I feel better.
So if you see me, please ask me what I've done today - and if I haven't done anything what I'm planning on doing. And maybe remind me, there will be light at the end of the tunnel - that as Ms Hunter says - 'It won't happen overnight, but it will happen'.