Do you set yourself up to fail?

I've been thinking a bit about excuses and reasoning the last couple of days. I guess some of what the trainer said is still floating round my brain. Do you know (and you won't), every two to three years I start some form of diet/exercise (sometimes one, sometimes the other, hardly every both at the same time) plan? I have spent probably thousands of dollars on Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, personal trainers, gym memberships and I've never gotten to where I wanted to go. Because deep down I don't think I really wanted it. It's so easy to eat whatever the heck you want. It's easy to not go to the gym, or a walk, or pop in a dvd and do a workout. It's easier to stay the way you are then to change.

If you work for something, don't you value it more?

The trainer said to me that exercise should at least include something fun. Something that you love - so its sustainable. I'm going to try a few different classes to figure out what that could be. As much as I love dancing, I prefer to do it in the comfort of my own home - but there's a boxing gym around the corner, so I might investigate that; and I'm going to hit up an aquasize class for something different as well - although its flippen freezing in Christchurch, I think we're going to have one of those really awfully cold winters - we've already had snow once this year and that's not normal.

The other thing I'm going to do is set myself up to succeed. Not fail. See I am guilty of self sabotage. I would work out hard core at the gym and then completely fail on the eating. So I'd lose ten kilos and then it would stop. And I'd give up, because you see, I'd tried, but it hadn't worked - so therefore it must be impossible. I'd say to myself, well it must be because I have pcos. It must be that I'm MEANT to be this size. And that is also bullshit. Yes it's harder to lose weight - but I already have so it is possible, its just going to take longer. And that's another sabotage right there. I cannot do this over three months, or six months, or maybe even a year. It may take me up to two years to get my body where it needs to be. It might even take three. And I need to accept that. And celebrate every small change.

Those scales are not a true reflection of where my body is at. I need to look at measurements and the size clothes I wear as well. Because while the scales might not show a massive loss, I know I'm wearing clothes two sizes smaller than what I was before. I'm developing a shape. What that shape might turn into when this is all over I'm not sure yet. The trainer also asked me what sort of figures I admire, I love curvy bodies, but I'd also like some muscle definition - so the end result could be interesting, given I've been overweight for most of my adult life and I can't imagine what shape is under all the lard. But I guess we'll find out eventually.