$250?

Check this out.

BlogParty is a new network of sites that help leverage your blog, but they need help getting the message out there. How about some motivation? How about the chance to win $250 for writting an entry in your blog about BlogParty with a link back to www.blogparty.net?

Damn, that could get me a lotta books of Amazon :)

Health vs Fat vs Medication vs Doctors

I've tried to start this post about three times now and it's not happening.

It's about PCoS. But I can't get the words out. Or I try to but they get all fucked up and un-ordered.

I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Unlike most sufferers, I don't have the hair growth or the acne, or the lack of period. Instead I get mine all the time. Unexpectedly. And in amounts that make me think I must of been stabbed and haven't noticed, because its that heavy.

Thanks to my awesome doctor she figured out what was wrong, and put me on a pill to stop it. The only bad thing about that, was the pill is one of those ones that can cause blood clots in overweight women. Because of the PCoS I'm overweight - but any other pill isn't strong enough to manage the bleeding.

The last 18 months I've been stuck in this back and forth headspace. I hate taking the pill. But I hated spending a kazillion dollars on tampons and pads. And I hated never knowing when the bleeding could start. And I hated being unable to go out without taking the extreme sanitary measures of protection Just In Case.

On Wednesday I had to revisit my Doctor to get a new prescription. She made me get on the scales.

And then she sat me down for a serious talk.

I'm struggling with the health risks of being overweight. And after some tears and some laughter (she is a really neat person and I think she's amazing), she's got me trying metformin.

I've heard nothing but good things about this drug, so I'm looking forward to seeing if it works for me. I hate the size I am, I'm sick of struggling with it, but I know I need the extra help.

See, unlike a normal (what is normal anyway?) person, when they eat something their body breaks it down and processes all the nutrients and the sugars and the fat and its done. But for someone with PCoS, the little breaker downer thingys don't quite do their jobs properly, and there's not enough of them. By taking metformin, I can (fingers crossed) hopefully get my liver working to get those cell thingys working to get my food processed properly and some wieght loss action happening.

I had a blood test today, and in three months I will go back and get another one, so we can compare the results.

I hope it helps.

Last night I attempted to go shopping.

I really seriously need everything - shoes, jeans, shirts, tops, undies, makeup, you name it I wanted to buy it.

I spent three hours wandering the mall and outside shops. I went into every shoe shop (there's about ten of them) and out of the ten, I got acknowledged in one.

I also went to the one 'plus sized' clothing shop at this mall. There were two 'asssistants' behind the counter and myself and another woman in the shop.

I'm trying to take attention away from my fat ass, not promote it!.

The other woman is browsing the racks and as she gets close to the counter, she is greeted by one of the 'assistants'. As I approach the counter, they continue their inane conversation about nothing. Do they greet me? No. Do I feel invisible. Hell yeah.

I ended up in the department store, browsing their range - I found a gorgeous knit long style cardigan so decided to try it on. I don't know who the hell authorises the clothing line for the curvier girl, but I believe they may be an anorexic stick figure. It was a beautiful chocolate brown, long, but the knit was stretchy, so looked very unattractive on (no wonder there were so many left on the rack). And jeans with sparkles around the pockets? I'm trying to take attention away from my fat ass, not promote it! And as for clingy material - forget it. Sometimes they might get two things right in a season, but the rest is shit. In the end I bought a pair of jeans I don't really like, but I was desperate.

So now, I'm new shoe-less, new shirt-less, and I'm tired.

Plus side - managed to keep away from McDonalds.