Why my body sucks.

You know, back when I first started having sex, I was so scared of falling pregnant.


Now, when I want to - I can't.


I see friends babies and my heart physically aches. I've never had that feeling before. Its pretty scary as I've never considered myself to be partically maternal.


I like my life - expensive skincare, a weekend overseas at a drop of a hat (well okay a months planning), being able to drop $30-$40 on books every week, sleeping in with the Pandyr - but pretending the cats are our children just isn't cutting it anymore.


It's scary.


It's scary that I think I'm never going to fall pregnant, that I'll never have the joy of waiting up all night for my child to walk in the door after they've missed curfew - seeing a child's first steps, hearing their first words.


It's late, I'm tired, and I might wake up tomorrow and think 'what the fuck was I typing last night', but I might not.