mm eye candy.

I never thought I'd say this but its 9pm Friday night, and I'm off to the gym. See you on the other side of the workout :)

Do you set yourself up to fail?

I've been thinking a bit about excuses and reasoning the last couple of days. I guess some of what the trainer said is still floating round my brain. Do you know (and you won't), every two to three years I start some form of diet/exercise (sometimes one, sometimes the other, hardly every both at the same time) plan? I have spent probably thousands of dollars on Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, personal trainers, gym memberships and I've never gotten to where I wanted to go. Because deep down I don't think I really wanted it. It's so easy to eat whatever the heck you want. It's easy to not go to the gym, or a walk, or pop in a dvd and do a workout. It's easier to stay the way you are then to change.

If you work for something, don't you value it more?

The trainer said to me that exercise should at least include something fun. Something that you love - so its sustainable. I'm going to try a few different classes to figure out what that could be. As much as I love dancing, I prefer to do it in the comfort of my own home - but there's a boxing gym around the corner, so I might investigate that; and I'm going to hit up an aquasize class for something different as well - although its flippen freezing in Christchurch, I think we're going to have one of those really awfully cold winters - we've already had snow once this year and that's not normal.

The other thing I'm going to do is set myself up to succeed. Not fail. See I am guilty of self sabotage. I would work out hard core at the gym and then completely fail on the eating. So I'd lose ten kilos and then it would stop. And I'd give up, because you see, I'd tried, but it hadn't worked - so therefore it must be impossible. I'd say to myself, well it must be because I have pcos. It must be that I'm MEANT to be this size. And that is also bullshit. Yes it's harder to lose weight - but I already have so it is possible, its just going to take longer. And that's another sabotage right there. I cannot do this over three months, or six months, or maybe even a year. It may take me up to two years to get my body where it needs to be. It might even take three. And I need to accept that. And celebrate every small change.

Those scales are not a true reflection of where my body is at. I need to look at measurements and the size clothes I wear as well. Because while the scales might not show a massive loss, I know I'm wearing clothes two sizes smaller than what I was before. I'm developing a shape. What that shape might turn into when this is all over I'm not sure yet. The trainer also asked me what sort of figures I admire, I love curvy bodies, but I'd also like some muscle definition - so the end result could be interesting, given I've been overweight for most of my adult life and I can't imagine what shape is under all the lard. But I guess we'll find out eventually.

Facing the hard truths.

Today I saw a personal trainer at the gym I joined last week. Yup I joined a gym.

I used to love going years ago, the classes, the people and I had no issues going on my own. Last week at the new gym, I went three times on my own, but the second time (last Tuesday night) I really struggled to get out of the car and inside the door and ended up having to call my mum to pep talk me through it. Something in my head just freaked out and I was worried about not being able to go on the machine I wanted to go on - but there's other machines I can do - yet my brain was adamant, that it was the treadmill or nothing and it looked (judging by the cars in the carpark) like there were loads of people in there and that I should just drive home and make something up to Andrew (like I got my period so I had to come home) to get out of going.

Thanks to my mum (who pretty much told me I was being ridiculous, and that I could use a bike, cross trainer, or rowing machine if there were people on all the treadmills) I managed to get out of the car and inside the door. And once I was inside, I was fine. The treadmill was available and so were the many other options I could do instead.

The head part of this journey is really killing me at the moment. I was scared that people would look at me at the gym; because clearly I AM THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE OF EVERYONE EVER. I know that's not true, that people are there to work out and they don't focus on anyone else, but my brain just wouldn't step over that hurdle.

Today, with the trainer, I spent the entire hour bawling my eyes out. She made me face some truths about myself, that I set myself goals that will fail, so I can give up while saying 'I tried and it didn't work'. She made me realise that I mock myself and make jokes to hide the fact that I don't really like what I see in the mirror. I hide behind my weight. And I need to let it all go.

My goal from her this week is every time I see myself in a mirror, I have to tell myself three positive things about myself. And I know it will be hard to start and I might struggle, coming up with things, but I'm going to do it. Although I might avoid the bathroom tonight given I've been crying on and off for the last two hours. Okay that part was a joke, I will go in the bathroom before I go to bed tonight and compliment myself. You should too.

Monday. Day one.

So it's rolled around again, day one of the 12wbt. So far I've already it the gym (treadmill hill climbing - 417 calories), drank 1/4 of my water, and had breakfast. I'm about to hit the shower but I think I feel an afternoon nap coming on...

Weirdly enough I was just trying to figure out when I would hit the gym tomorrow, and then I saw this. I think I'll do weights in the morning at home with a dvd workout, then maybe after dinner tomorrow night go for the treadmill again. With my gym membership I do get a one hour free PT session, so I should really text her today and figure that out as well. I was thinking I should probably do that every six weeks or so, and get the gym to track my progress as well. Then I'm accountable in a lot of places.

Wednesday weigh in

Always nerve wracking, even when you know you've been good. Or as good as you can be.

2.5 kilos gone. Admittedly, I've lost these 2.5 kilos before and they came back, but not this time. I am motivated. I've been sticking to 1200 - 1400 calories and drinking 3 litres of water a day. You spend a lot of time in the bathroom, but eventually hopefully my body will get used to it and I won't be waking up in the night to pee.

I updated my weight loss ticker to really reflect where I want to go and where I want to be. Before my goal used to be under 100 kilos - but that's just a landmark, its not my real goal. I can't lose sight of the BIG (heehe) picture.

Round 2 sign up is still open - in fact I signed up for my very first round right on the last day. And convinced a friend to do the same. It's worth it if you are struggling with eating/exercise. The people on the 12wbt programme are incredibly supportive. And if you're in Christchurch, we have our own fitness and coffee group :)

Motivational Monday

Food good, exercise done, about to make dinner, 3 litres of water drunk. It's on. I'm ready.

One week to go!

Before round 2 kicks off. There's still time to sign up - www.12wbt.com - tell them reddevildog sent you :)

Seriously though, I've had such a good weekend, Friday night I planned out my meals for the next week, using my biggest loser and crunchtime cookbooks. Saturday morning I did my groceries and when I came home, I cleaned out the fridge. It was full of crap - old manky veges, random leftovers. It was pretty gross.

I put everything away, and chopped up some chicken and veges which I then threw in the freezer to marinade for one of the nights Andrew works. That way I don't have the excuse of being too tired to cook - all the hard work is done! I bought a load of snack foods, and this weekend I'll clear out the cupboard and make a space for things to go in with the calories written on them.

I'm feeling really good and motivated - I know that the reason I fail is that I don't plan - and planning doesn't take that long to do. From next week my meals will all be sorted thanks to the programme, so it feels good to know I did it by myself and can and will do it between rounds 2 & 3.

Today I made chicken soup, which I'll take for lunch tomorrow, along with carrots, hummus, low fat cheese, crackers, a muesli bar, some prepackaged dried fruit and nuts and some bread to eat with the soup. I know that seems like a lot - and I don't plan on eating it all, but if I get hungry, there's no excuse for me to head to the dairy to get something to nibble on. I'm in control.
 

I'm just adding this image because I think its hilarious. I do sometimes wish I could wake up and it would be gone and I would be an average sized person. But then I remember it took me a long time to get where I am - and, I need to remember how far I've come and not focus on how far I have to go, or compare myself to others on the same journey.

Lightbulb moments

Isn't it weird how sometimes, you can just be doing menial things and something in your brain goes 'click'.

That happened to me tonight. I figured out exactly how and when I fell off in Round One, and what I should of done to get back on. (Then I wouldn't be in the position of losing the five freakin kilos I've gained back).

I should of started the preseason tasks again. Reaffirmed what I wanted to achieve, why I was doing this, where I want to go, what I want to be able to do.

It came to me as I finally finally finally did what I said I would weeks ago and dragged out my meal planner and planned the next weeks menu. I went to typo and bought the most gorgeous meal planner, its very cute and retro, and its been sitting there, staring at me waiting for me to use it.

Then I dug out my biggest loser USA cookbook and my Michelle Bridges Crunchtime cookbook and picked some meals I liked the sound of to try next week. I think sometimes I get bored eating the same thing over and over again, so one of my new goals is to try a recipe I haven't used before. Then if I like it, it can get added to the rotation, and if not I can never eat it again.

I've made my shopping list, and I'll be hitting the supermarket tomorrow morning to get what I need for the next week.

I'm also debating making my own recipe journal - going through my many cookbooks and healthy food guides, culling them down and stripping out what I'll make from them then getting rid of them. Our house is full of clutter and I'm sick of it.

I'm starting to feel more positive and organised. I think I'm getting my enthusiasm back. I know I can achieve my goals, its just about planning - getting meals sorted, groceries done, prepackaged snacks and lunch stuff all split out into serves, so there are no excuses for not taking lunch, not eating right, not taking time to look after myself. I'm going to grab a notebook (from typo again!) tomorrow and track it. I need to make this a habit.


No excuses.

Penalty jar....

So I really enjoy New Girl, the sitcom. And the ad for the douchebag jar cracks me up every time. 'Have you seen my other timepiece?'

Anyway, I bought some mason jars last weekend to create my visual kilos lost/kilos to go - which I still haven't done as I couldn't find any marbles/stones that I liked to use; and then thought 'Why don't I create an exercise penalty jar'?

The deal is this:

The jar starts with $5 in it. Every time I do a workout I add $1. If I miss a day, then Andrew (the husband) gets to take $5 out of the jar (the penalty). But every time I hit a 5 kilo milestone, I get to take all the cash in the jar and buy myself something (not food). Then it starts all over again.

However, New Zealand decided to burn remove all $1 and $2 notes, and we now have tiny gold coins. (Which was hilarious in America because I kept seeing my wallet full of bills and thinking 'Wow!' but then counting it and realising it was only about $8). Anyway, the awesome inspiring Vicky suggested that I use monopoly money so I still get that visual of the jar filling up with money (while keeping the coins in it at the bottom)...

Here's how it all looks! (I love instagram and the effects are so cool so I used them for my photos)...

As you can see, my NZ coinage looks a little depressing in here.

Here's my play money! It comes in $1s, $5s and $10s.

There - doesn't that look far more impressive! Plus the actual money is in there for when
I can go spend spend spend!!

An idea...

I really struggle sometimes with doing exercise. My excuses revolve around 'I'll do it later' (hardly ever happens), I'll just do this first (and then not do the exercise at all), in fact right now I should be doing something except I'm writing this blog instead. Procrastination is my enemy and my weakness.

Last night I was surfing the web (again avoiding what I should of been doing), and I came across an article on lifehacker - about Seinfelds Productivity Secret. And it's a great idea. Don't break the chain.

So this morning, I googled to see if I could find anyone else talking about it, and came across this awesome calender design - which I've promptly printed out and will start using today.

Don't break the chain. Might need a copy at work and at home so I'm accountable all the time.

Ps, I passed my full driver's licence yesterday. Super exciting - given that I failed first time round. Now I can stay past 9.30 at things, or get up at 3am to go for a drive if I want to.

pps. No weight change this Wednesday.

Motivate Monday

So true. Although my top is a HECK of a lot longer than the one on the chick in the picture ;)

All signed up for Round 2 of the 12wbt. Today has been super good, under calories, got in a 45 minute walk, +180 squats. The challenge of the next two weeks is to keep my kms up and also to do 30 squats before each meal/snack, meaning I should get to 90-180 squats per day. Eek.

Oh, uh... hello...

So I know I've been absent for a while....

I need to be honest.

And its hard to write. But I've really struggled with coming home from my honeymoon.

Our city is still broken. Our friends are moving away. Our rent has gone up. Our insurance has gone up. We can't walk into a restaurant on spur of the moment and get a table. We still have holes, patched roads, missing buildings, demolition and gaps where our favourite places used to be. Our house still hasn't been assessed by EQC.

And its hard. For three glorious weeks we lived in a land where we could walk in and get immediately seated for dinner. (Apart from once at the cheesecake factory, we had to wait 20 minutes - don't go there for mains, go for DESSERT). Where roads were as shit as they are at home, but there were things to do, and things to see - (Disneyland was AMAZING).

So to come back - and see that our city is still broken, and will be for some time - it made me feel really down and depressed and sad. And I think I started the grieving process all over again. And I debated about moving, about chucking in my diet, and I lost it a bit on the exercise front. I skipped training with the awesome Will and the girls and supporters of the girls of the Christchurch 12wbt. I hid. I sort of stopped trying to live. And just focused on existing. I struggled with going to work. I hated leaving the house.

And then last Wednesday (ANZAC day, so a public holiday), I met up with the girls mentioned above and realised I'm not the only one who ever felt like this. That we're all doing the best we can - that we're all making the best of what has happened and we're not letting it stop us from living. And I started thinking. And realising, that I can't get down about this, I can't let it affect me like it has for the last month - I've just wasted an entire month where I did the bare minimum in terms of food and exercise. I lost my enthusiasm. But its coming back.

So month of May - I pledge to walk/run/waddle 100km.

I set a new weight loss goal - I know where I want to be my birthday. (August 4th, start saving, I like presents).

I will sign up for Round 2 of the 12wbt (like I promised myself at the start of the year).

I will sign up for Round 3 - and I will be at the finale party in December - with Jo, my inspirational friend who I met through the group.

I will make the best out of what Ma Nature has dealt us. I may get sad, but instead of eating my feelings, I'll pound them out, on the pavement, with workouts, with maybe just finding a field and screaming until I feel better.

So if you see me, please ask me what I've done today - and if I haven't done anything what I'm planning on doing. And maybe remind me, there will be light at the end of the tunnel - that as Ms Hunter says - 'It won't happen overnight, but it will happen'.

I'm still here...

I'll do a proper update tonight, including the blogger challenge post - but short story - finding it a bit tough on my own with hubby away, only five more sleeps to go - have lost a meazly 100 grams but given my eating habits that's okay cause it kicked me into 15 kilos total since last year. Huzzah!

One year on....

Yesterday was the anniversary of a devastating earthquake that hit Christchurch, New Zealand at 12.51pm, Tuesday the 22nd of February 2011.

It's been a day of tears and remembrance.

When the quake struck, I was dying to go to the bathroom - I was on the third story of our work building in Victoria Street - loading in ads for a client. I had about ten to go and I was about to finish the one I was working on, hit the toilet and then go out and get food. Next thing, I'm getting the shit shaken out of me, and somehow I am on the floor, fingers trying to dig into the carpet to hold on. I can hear everyone yelling and the noise of things flying and breaking around us.

This plant actually broke over my legs, I had a crazy bruise for weeks afterwards.











This was my desk, everything on it landed on top of me, including a heavy metal file thing, that bruised my arm like crazy. I was driving home and couldn't figure out why my arm was aching.








When it stopped, I was too scared to turn around as I thought surely the front of the building had collapsed. I couldn't understand how I was still on the floor. The Account Manager came up behind me and started patting my shoulders asking if I was okay. I had to catch my breath before I could respond. As I got myself under control, I realised we were all in shock. And, I still needed to pee. I found my cellphone on the floor, and stood up. I got a call from my mum, and one from Andrew. They were okay. Andrew told me to get home and he would come as soon as he could. I knew it was bad, but I didn't realise how bad. We weren't sure what to do so wandered around making sure each other was okay and had our bags, phones and keys ready to go. I tried to call our Wellington office, thinking it must of been the Alpine fault. I couldn't get through.

As I went to put the landline phone back it rang, giving me a huge fright - and I answered, not in my usual chirpy manner but in a scared little kid voice 'Hullo??' 'Oh hullo,' said one of our directors... 'Is Bernard there?' 'Yes,' I replied, 'but we've just had a massive earthquake'. 'Oh, okay' he responded.

I found out later that he had been trying to organise a conference call and wasn't really listening to me - and there were a few people on the line - they then realised it was serious as they could hear the aftershocks rattling our building, and Bernard told them one of the girls had a few cuts on her legs as she was in the kitchen and all our glassware had smashed. (Never have cupboards that don't have doors!).

We decided it was time to get the hell out of there - but I still had to pee. I asked one of the girls to open the bathroom door, I couldn't get my fat body through as the mirror had fallen behind it making it barely passable for a skinny person. She did that, and as I went to go in, another wicked aftershock hit and I fell over again. Rather than risk it, I decided to just hold on and go when I got home. However, getting home turned out to be a bit harder than expected.

Walking to my car, I saw everyone out on the street. Some were covered in blood, some were in shock - everyone was sort of milling about, unsure about where to go and what to do. I seemed to be the only one moving - and when I got to my car, the car park was still full. There was a lady leaning against it, so I asked if she was okay. She told me she'd come up for the day from Timaru with her husband, and they had taken her parents to the casino for lunch. She told me to drive safely and she hoped everything was okay at home.

 On my way to the car - building damage.

 

I'm not sure what I was thinking walking so close to this....

Once in the mighty Mu (Daisy is her name), I tried to head my usual way home only to be turned back. Buildings were down, said the lady in the safety vest - you'll need to go down the one way system. Traffic was bumper to bumper, and there were no lights working. People were starting to walk. I had the radio on More FM, and I was listening to Stitchy, telling us to look after ourselves and get home as soon as we could. He was trying to stay on air, but then he said that he had been told to leave the building as it was too dangerous to stay. The radio went off air, so I searched until I found talkback.

That's when I found out that people had died.

I burst into tears. Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, realising that while I knew my mum and future husband were okay, I had no idea about my friends and the rest of my family. I had the window down, but all I could taste was dust.

 I lost it when I saw this garage - I couldn't understand it

This is liquefaction in action, you can see here, the silt coming up from underneath us.

As I got closer to home the traffic started thinning out a bit, but the closer I got the more worried I was about my dogs and the house. It appeared every brick building was in pieces, and then this was at the end of my street....

By that stage I was beside myself. Driving over the cracks in the roads, being on a bridge when an aftershock hits - super scary experience, but seeing a car in a hole down the end of your street? Insane!

When I got home I realised I couldn't get up the driveway. We live on a back section and our neighbours in fronts chimney had smashed all over the driveway. I parked and bolted up the drive and into the house and ran to the bathroom. Best pee ever. Then I walked back into my lounge and realised what a mess I'd come home to. The power was off, and so was the water.

Our fridge tried to get over to the stove.

I grabbed the dogs leads, and went outside and gave them huge pats and cuddles. Due to the damage in the kitchen I decided that going outside with them and talking to the neighbours would be a better option that sitting inside with no power or water and being alone. My neighbour in front appeared to be in shock, so I told him to hang on to the dogs while I went and got us some chairs and beers - of course, couldn't get into the kitchen to get beers, but did manage to grab chairs. When I came back out Dee was snuggling up to him and Reese was calmly lying at his feet. Animals make great stress / pat therapy.

We waited outside - it was very King of the Hill style, we had the dogs, deckchairs and some booze. My other neighbour tuned up and she bought out her radio. We sat listening in shock. And then we smelt something burning. We found out later that the CTV building had collapsed and was on fire. At the end of my street is one of the main ways to get further into the eastern suburbs. Traffic was bumper to bumper. I managed to get onto facebook a couple of times to post status updates...

'There's dust and silt everywhere a o'

'I'm ok, andrew too mum text me but no response from her traffic jammed dogs ok house trashed but not damaged'

'I can do status updates but not see replies. Still shaking neighbors gave me a coke but other neighbors chimney is all over my drive'

Andrew finally got home, and blocked off the kitchen so we could leave the dogs in the house. I went for a short walk around the block and the shops on Linwood Avenue looked like this. I hoped like hell they got out of that block of shops, especially the people who worked in the fish and chip shop on the end.

We spent half the night in the lounge lying on the couches, listening to the radio in the dark.Our cellphones ran out of juice and the laptop went flat. We had no idea what had happened in the central city and still didn't know if all of our friends were okay.

'Still no power/water in my hood. We're on our wAy to qt's house with our dogs, thanks guys. Ps all wedding whitebait is being eaten as it's defrosting. Stink.'

Our best friends Q&T had picked up their dogs and headed off to the coast - so they offered us their house. The drive out to our seemed to take ages. Once there it was a relief to have a shower, and check my bruises...

(arm)

The portal to hell in my leg.

Phones charged, messages started coming through.. I could finally see on the TV what had happened to my beautiful city - on facebook I was sharing photos of the missing - some of them had died. And I finally heard that my friends were all okay - including the ones that worked at the Christchurch Press - that partially collapsed during the quake.

It was an incredibly surreal experience. I learnt a lot about myself - that in a crisis, I can keep my head and focus on what I need to do, and I am good at helping others to try and be calm. I am a lot stronger than I think. That empathy for others is not a weakness but a strength, that there is nothing wrong with doing what you need to do and if tears are streaming down your face, so fucking what. 

I feel incredibly blessed that my friends and family made it through this horrible experience. I am sure some of them saw some horrifying things. 

I stood in Hagley Park yesterday, with my workmates, and the people of Christchurch. I listened as the names of the deceased were read. Tears streamed down my cheeks - I recognised the names of the ones I had shared on my facebook page when they were only missing - and those tears kept coming during our two minutes of silence.

We will never forget.

For more reading about that day as seen through others eyes you can read these blogs:

ThriftyGifty - my beautiful friend Alyna

Knotty - My friend Ian - his wife Sarah (my friend) worked in the Press building and I was terrified she was injured or gone.

Wednesday weigh-in

Wasn't as horrible as I thought - 600 grams off, so just over half a kilo. I am 100 grams away from having lost 15 kilos since I started this journey last year. 100 grams!

Motivation Monday on Tuesday (whoops)

I would do well to remember this. I had an incredibly lazy week - Wednesday I flew to Wellington for work, so left home at 6.30am and didnt get back until 10pm that night. So that is a fair call, I mean a day that long there really is no time - I did wander round the airport but probably not enough to count. Thursday was Andrew's last night in the country, so by the time I got out of bed (tired) there was no time to exercise and then when I got home, our friend Ged (who he has gone to the USA) with turned up. So we ended up having a takeaway dinner and a chat. Friday it was up early again to take them to the airport - I stayed and had breakfast until they had to board. Didn't make a very good choice, and it wasn't very tasty so won't be doing that again; then met a friend for lunch; and had a light dinner - but again no working out. While I stayed pretty true to my calories, the food choices I made were not really that great.

Saturday, where we're supposed to smash out a super session, was also a bit of a bust - a friend came round for a walk at 7am then I had to head off to the hairdresser to get my regrowth tended to before I go the US (two weeks, but who is counting!), then I met another friend for lunch, and went home and went to the neighbours who invited me for a BBQ dinner.

Sunday, my awesome friend Sarah (she of the Saturday 7am walk) and I decided to do the St Martins steps. These things are insane. We went up, then walked down around the road, and went back up them again, and then down them. Ow. 

Monday I did a boxing session, and today I did some weights this morning, then after work managed to burn an 400 calories, by adding some sprints to my walk. (as well as some hard core shower cleaning and a vacuuming). Hopefully that will negate the two pieces of pizza I had at lunch. I told myself I could have one, and bought a salad, but it was just so good, I snarfed down a second. I did take a good five minutes to really think about it though - and to be perfectly honest, in the past I would of downed an entire pizza without thinking and ended up feeling sick. I think the adjustment to two slices is a good compromise, and while I know it wasn't the best choice I could make, the reality is I still sometimes want to be able to enjoy myself without feeling guilty about it. It doesn't help that it was a supplier funded lunch that came with a presentation so it wasn't like I couldn't be there!

Weigh in tomorrow could be interesting - I'm not expecting massive movement, but I know why and I accept that. It's been a full on week (dog had surgery, and then managed to open her wounds up again) but I haven't eaten an entire cake like my devil-mel would like me to; (which is how I used to cope with stress), I shut that bitch up with a serious talking to - and a promise of a treat meal on Saturday.

Wish me luck!

Blogger Challenge - Week One

As previously mentioned I signed up for the blogger challenge. Last round I started out with good intentions but I pretty much stopped writing about it half way through. Thing is though, I actually get a lot out my head by just saying it here.

So first Friday challenge questions and answers are:

Tell us a little bit about yourself.  What makes you, you?

I am a bit of a nut. I'm shy, but if there are shyer people around me then I will talk it up. I'm scared, but I put my challenge with my weight on the interwebs for the world to see. I talk too much - but never about the important (or secret) things. I'm a wife (ha) of almost a year (although my husband and I have been together for about 15 years or so) and I live with two beautiful boxers, and two annoying cats. I read - crazy fast reader actually - so even when the tv is on, usually my nose is stuck in a book. Right now my favourite colours are pink and orange - I love to bake. I clearly love to eat.

Why did you decide to do the 12WBT? 

I did round three of 2011 and decided that I actually need to take a year out and dedicate it to myself. The whole year. I plan on signing up for all three rounds this year. I want to lose an entire person off my body.

What are you hoping to achieve through the program? 

The ability to think before eating; that exercise becomes an addictive habit, and of course weight loss.

Why have you decided to blog about the 12WBT? What will be the main focus (eg, food, exercise, a bit of everything?) 

It's a bit of everything. I think its a good way to write out your thoughts that sometimes you need to see written down. Also its keeping me honest.

How will you be exercising this round? Gym, home, outdoors or a mixture?

Outdoors and at home.

What is your greatest strength that will help you?

I think its my ability to make a joke out of everything. Some exercises are just not physically possible in this body but I always come up with a joke and a laugh about it and figure out what I can do. 

What are you afraid of? 

Failure

What are you looking forward to the most over the next 12 weeks?


New menus, new clothes and seeing my body change.

What is your downfall? Food? Exercise? How will you overcome this?

I'm quite good at procrastination. Also I love sweet foods. So to counteract I plan things, load the DVD the night prior, organise group workouts. The sweet thing I'm still battling - trying for lower calorie treats.

If you had to pick one word to motivate you over the next 12 weeks, what would you choose?

 JFDI!

Yes!

I'm 500 grams (almost 1 pound) under the helicopter weight limit. I will be buying tickets on Friday. And then making sure I get down as much as I can before we go! YAY.

Day One again!

So today is the start date of round one of 2012's 12wbt. I am committing to doing all three rounds this year and really focusing on myself - my own health and wellbeing - and looking out for me. I've been hiding in this body for far to long and its time to get rid of the flab and be myself.

I'm also going to make sure to take part in this blogger challenge! 

 

And that's what I need to keep in mind on my honeymoon too!

Wednesday weigh in

YES! 900 grams gone this morning. I admit to eating 1470 cals instead of 1200, but that will change next week with the programme starting. Am looking forward to my menu plan which comes out tomorrow.

I got up early this morning to do a workout, but am still stuck by the computer, so that's not a good thing. I'll think I need to get the dvd ready the night before so I can roll out of bed and go straight to it!

Last night when I left for my walk I got the corner and it started bucketing down. It was ridiculous. I text Andrew to tell him so, and he told me to harden up. I said I was hiding under a tree, and he told me to run. So I did. Not the whole way - not using c25k, but every street I ran at least one lampost length. And not the jog I do usually, but a proper run - where I focused on breathing. It was awesome. I think the c25k isn't working for me because its about timing. I end up going slower and slower - where picking a lampost and going as fast as I can while focusing on breathing rather than time, really worked last night.

Eventually I know the C25K will work because I'll be able to run and breathe rather than run and die, but am going to stick to the lampost method for a while. Every walk I commit to running at least one lamp post length on every street. I am determined to be able to run 5k at some stage, but for now I need to work on the technique.

400 grams away to helicopter goal!

Helicopter Motivation Monday! (?)

So I went a bit quiet there, but only because I have been super busy. Last Wednesday I climbed a hill that then turned into a 5km walk and just about died - Thursday I was lazy, Friday even lazier, then Saturday did that same damn hill four times, going a little further each time, thanks to the push from our personal trainer.

Thought I might need a nana nap after that morning, but managed to stay awake, and then Sunday did an 11km walk with a couple of friends - my calves were burning at the end of it. I ended up having a huge nana nap in the afternoon then followed that up with a ten hour sleep. Crazy. Today I was also pretty quiet with another nana nap - I never thought I would be one of those people who sleeps in the middle of the day, but clearly my body needed the time to recover. I burnt a fair few calories and admit to having a sneaky peak on the scales this morning and getting excited - but will wait for Wednesday just in case.

Anyway motivation for this week:

 

I know you're thinking - WTF? A helicopter for motivation?? But it turns out I am about 800grams (as of this morning) away from being the maxium weight limit to be able to fly into the grand canyon via helicopter on my honeymoon (without having to pay for another seat).

I have been talking about this for ages, and I think I was sabotaging myself a little as I am scared of heights, but I know how much Andrew would love to do this, plus instead of being stuck in car to drive there from Vegas (around a 10 hour trip), we'd only need about 4.5 hours or so. It's a little expensive, but everyone I have spoken to who has done it says it really is worth it. 

So I need to suck up my fear. In 2011 I lived with destruction, death, friends moving away, houses and roads being broken, and being shaken about like a polaroid picture -so to be scared of a helicopter seems, well, a little lame.

I'd like to lose another 5.8 kilos before I go. I know its achievable, I just have to get out there and JFDI.

12wbt Round 1 starts next week, so if you haven't signed up yet and are keen to, visit now! Roll on Thursday when our first weeks meal plans and shopping lists come out!!

I did it!!!! In your face lard!!!

So motivation Monday is usually an image to inspire, but instead.....

I FLIPPEN DID IT! I walked 101.02 km in January. I am so proud of myself right now, you have no idea. I can't stop smiling! I actually took a goal and smashed it! It is possible!!!!!

Chef Sunday (Brown rice salad with feta)

So I know I said I would add recipes to my blog and I have been incredibly slack and haven't - but look here's the first one! With a photo! And its super fast, easy and YUM. Plus you can tweak ingredients to suit.

I've made this tonight for a bbq I'm going to - it feeds about 4-6 as part of a main meal - I've guestimated 8 serves out of the giant bowl I made it in so around 136 calories - but of course this will depend on the feta as you may like to add a bit more depending on your taste. It's also good with aged cheddar (but maybe not for calories with that tweak). Anyway....

Brown rice salad with feta

2 packets of sunrise brown rice (90 second stuff)
1/2 block of feta cheese
1 punnet of cherry tomatoes, or a couple of large tomatoes if you have those around instead
1 cup or so of frozen green beans
1 red onion (I used half because I find it too strong) or you could use spring onions instead
some low fat french dressing

Blanch the beans (you know, when you pour boiling water over them and then chuck them in icy cold water - like when Christchurch people head to Hanmer hot pools in summer).

While that's going on and your beans are getting cold - cook the rice in the micrwave and start chopping up your feta, onions and tomatoes. How fine you do it all is up to you, but I like tiny bits of onion and feta and then big hunks of tomato.

Once the rice is cooked, chuck it in your serving bowl and pour over 2 tablespoons of your dressing. I use french as I like the tang, but you could experiement with others. Chuck in the veges and cheese and toss. Add two more tablespoons of dressing and mix up a bit more.

Pop it in the fridge and you're done! How easy is that! My husband likes to add a bit more dressing once it's on his plate.

I think I got this from an ad on TV for one of the supermarkets, like the food in a minute ones. And we tested it on one of our special needs (aka vegetarian) friends who said it was delish. I'll let you know how it goes down tonight and if I get to bring home an empty bowl :)

Weekend!

So Saturday I met up with an awesome group of people doing round one of 12wbt. We had a training session down at a local park. We played games, chucked some tires around, ran round the park, did pressups, it was great.

Today I got up and added another 5.8km to my January total., only 6km to go with two days left in the month.

I haven't been writing as much this week - with doing a few walks after work by the time I get home I have enough energy left to eat and then crash out.

This is a hard journey I have set myself. It was easy to put the weight on, easy to make bad choices, easy to just eat whatever I wanted, easy to say 'I'll do it later' and then not do it at all. The excuses I would make 'I had a hard day at work, I need comfort food, I'm too tired to exercise, I can't be bothered, I'll go twice as hard tomorrow (yeah SURE you will), I'm not that big, I'm not that fat, I'm too unfit, I have pcos so it doesn't matter anyway - I won't be able to lose the weight....'

Sometimes those voices are still there, and I have to argue with them and push myself out the door. You can see if you look at my January kms, Thursday I was exhausted so gave myself the day off, Friday I planned to go, and then managed to talk myself out of it but I promised myself I would clean the bathroom and vacuum instead, which, I didn't even do - Saturday I had training so didn't walk, today I made the effort and I hurt now, but I feel great. Plus I burnt 400 calories.I just have to remember that feeling. Or encourage myself to JFDI for ten minutes and then I can turn around and come back - because ten minutes in usually I have my stride on, the music pumping and feel compelled to keep going.

YES!

There is nothing more disheartening then seeing your weight go up then down then up from week to week. But this morning I think I've cracked it. With a 1.6 kilos lost, that puts me under my last weigh in from the end of round three - and tracking at 12.5 kilos all up. YES! Now I feel amped for the rest of the week, as opposed to stabby (like last week). I am going to kick ass.

Motivational Monday

I fully agree with this statement. This might be one of the ones I need to print out and add to a motivational board. Day 2 of Shred completed this morning and a walk planned for after work. I have nearly 29km to churn out by next Tuesday. eek.

I've just set myself up with a meal plan for the week. I've contacted a personal trainer to see if he would be interested in helping myself and some of the team doing the 12wbt. Waiting to hear back from him, but in the meantime I've grabbed my diary and planned some exercise sessions. I've taken on another challenge that starts tomorrow - 30 days of shred. My February challenge is ready to go (29 days x 29 minutes of exercise every day + 29km walking). I'm about to go check my recipe books to look for low calorie meals to eat until the season starts - I'm going to blog about them too, adding in photos and the actual recipe in case others want to try them.

Its worth the effort.

Get Real (Task 2)

So task two of preseason is to combat excuses.

My biggest one is that I feel embarrassed about exercising in large groups. I keep getting invited to Zumba classes - which nearly everyone at work go to; and I just can't do it. I love dancing, but I'd prefer to do it in the comfort of my own home thanks. Although is saying that - my zumba dvd's have only ever been played about 4 times. For some reason, as much as I love to dance, I find doing a weights workout with Jackie, or sweating it out with Billy Blanks much more rewarding.

Last round, one of my goals was to run 5k by the end of the programme. I didn't achieve it. And the reason why is because I felt like people were looking at me when I ran. Because clearly, I am the centre of EVERYONE'S WORLD. Really, people couldn't give a shit about me running. I have no idea what those people are thinking - and why the hell should I even care?

The mind is a tricky thing. I have to force myself to run parts of my walking schedule. The weird thing is I love running, I remember doing cross country at school when I was a kid. But something about running in daylight as an overweight adult (and trust me you don't want to run in the dark in my neighbourhood) really makes me panic. I've completed week one of the c25k. I need to make sure I keep going - its a good way to get my km's in for January, and out of my comfort zone. I have to remember no one actually cares. Mostly they're probably thinking 'Good on her'.

Here we go again...

I've signed up for round one of the 12 week body transformation 2012. I have been dicking around about making a decision - mainly because with going to America it would be nice to have as much money as possible. But, I'm only in the US for three weeks, which means I still get 9 weeks of proper 12wbt; (plus preseason tasks) and three of me making the best of going to a place where food may be super super supersized and I may (ha) go a little out of control. However - every hotel we are booked into has a gym and in Vegas we are staying at one end of the strip in order to get a fair bit of walking in (fingers crossed).

While I know those three weeks are going to be tough, the posts I read tonight on the 12wbt messageboard made me enthusiastic about signing up again and getting ready to smash it. There are a lot of people (there are some men on the programme, but not as many as the women) who have had such great successes in the past and some who are so pumped about starting, that its catching and I'm sitting here super excited to get to week one!

So the first task is to introduce yourself. Most of the people that read my blog on purpose (other than stumbling over it from me linking to twitter, or pintrest (if you want an invite let me know)) are my friends and workmates. So you all know that we work in a stressful environment. What people from the 12wbt may not know (I link my blog there too) is that with the earthquakes chch has gone through, I work in a small space, in a residential area. I'm pretty sure the neighbours think we run some kind of phone sex operation, given that there are eight women and one bloke, and we make jokes about it all the time. Anyway, contributing to that is the fact that its easy to make bad food choices when you are hungry, haven't planned your food well enough for the day, and the closest food supply to you is the corner dairy. It's also hard to train from home given that our hills are no go zones - and some of our parks are a bit rough due to land damage - I'm not quite ready for a gym membership yet though - maybe closer to winter.

I also have PcOs. Which means that my body doesn't process food the same way someone who doesn't have it does. It can be harder for me to lose weight, easier for me to gain it, and some women with it suffer from acne and hair issues. (lucky I don't, even though my husband likes to take the piss and says that I do). It also causes me to have some fertility issues.

And I forgot the general stuff - Hi, my name is Mel, I'm 35, live in Christchurch, New Zealand with my husband (of not quite a year), our two boxer dogs (Reese and Dee) and our two cats (Molly and Fergus).

I'm looking forward to Round One 2012. I think its the push I need to make this year about me. My health, my fitness, my life.

Motivation Monday